


♦ Return to Sender

by EvelynLawliet



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-30
Updated: 2013-11-18
Packaged: 2017-12-21 21:09:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 29,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/904975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvelynLawliet/pseuds/EvelynLawliet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester is one those sport stars at school and his last year of High School is starting. He finds himself obssessed with both the new student, Castiel Novak, and the mysterious 'Angel Blade', who has been writing letters to him, but refuses to reveal his/her real identity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Any comments and suggestions are welcomed. My beta's my best friend Chris. If it weren't for him, I never would've writen it. Thanks a lot, assbutt <3 This is the first chapter of the story, I'll post the next if someone gets interested. So far, I have 3 chapters written and one in progress. The title is from an Elvis Presley's song. Hope you all like it!

Being one of the most popular kids in school is not exactly easy, but Dean Winchester handles it pretty well for someone who has as many activities as he does. Aside from attending to the boring classes he wants to die instead of going, Dean is also the captain of the football team, which means he has no time at all for himself. At least that’s the way things should be.

They are not. Dean has plenty of time to do practically whatever he wants – like sleeping with the cheerleaders or going out with the team on Saturday night –, although he doesn’t quite understand yet how he manages to have so much time. Well, being the brother of one of the smartest kids in school – who actually helps _him_ with his homework and not vice versa – probably has a very large part of the blame.

Sam Winchester is a little genius freak who attends to most of the classes Dean himself does, even though Sam is four years younger. It’s nice to have his brother by his side during classes, since Sam helps him staying awake, but they don’t spend much time together. The team won’t leave Dean’s side so he can’t have lunch with his brother or so. Not that any of them cares about that. Sam looks pretty happy to stay with his girlfriend Jessica and his other friends.

That’s the way things have been for three years, but today they’ll change a little. Dean’s last year at school starts today and he already heard there’ll be a new student. Who in hell changes school on the last year? Dean doesn’t have a clue, but he’s definitely happy that there will be a new face for him to look at. Who knows if it’s not a pretty girl, or even a guy? What can he say, Dean knows how to take advantages of both sides of life.

He’s currently sitting on the small wall by the entrance, talking with his best friend Benny about the new kid. The southern doesn’t look much excited, but he’s filling Dean in, so it’s enough. “I heard he’s kind of a nerd, always reading a book, Sunday clothes, you know, like Chuck and Michael.”

Dean nods, not caring much. It’s not like he’ll be interested in the kid if there isn’t something to catch his attention. “Who told you that?” he asks, crossing his arms against his chest.

“Meg,” Benny says while shrugging. “She knew him from the other school she studied before here. Said he was a strange type, never talked to anyone who wouldn’t talk to him, very quiet, like he was afraid something would happen.”

They chuckle at the last part, but the sound soon ends. Dean doesn’t like Meg at all and she has always been a deceiver bitch, there’s no way he’ll trust her about that matter either. Still, he will keep an eye open for the kid. We never know if she decided to tell the truth.

It doesn’t take long for the school bus to arrive. Dean greets the people he knows and ignores the ones he doesn’t. He and Benny aren’t like the other jerks from the team who slap the nerd’s heads or flush their glasses down the toilet. Of course, they are careful enough to keep their image safe, so they don’t try and be friends with them, although Dean is pretty sure Chuck is a nice guy.

When Benny stands up, Dean is still waiting for the guy to show up, but he never does. Perhaps he’s already inside? He’ll have to meet him later, then. Benny pulls him inside and they head to their first class, Physics. The Winchester keeps looking around, but no sing of the new guy. He asks himself why he wants so much to meet him. Well, probably because he wants to sleep with someone new. He’s tired of Jo and Lisa, two of the cheerleaders, who won’t get out of his ass. Why don’t they understand they had a thing once and that was it?

The class takes a lifetime to end and the only thing Dean wants to do is kill himself so he doesn’t have to hear another of Ms. Farrow’s words about ‘the wonderful world of Physics’, because, really, he simply can’t take it anymore. Already on the hallways with Benny, Dean looks around, still trying to see the new kid. He had been hoping that he would magically drop on the middle of his class, but it looks like Dean’s luck isn’t really on his side today.

“Dude, why are you so freaked out about the kid?” Benny asks when Dean nearly hits a locker with his forehead.

Shaking his head, Dean turns it to Benny’s direction, although his eyes are still looking around. “Wish I knew,” he says. “Guess I’m tired of looking at the same faces.” The green-eyed teen shrugs, although he does think he’s a little paranoid. I mean, come on! It’s just a new kid.

“And it has nothing to do with the fact that you want a good new fuck?”

Dean turns sharply to Benny, who is wiggling his eyebrows and laughing. “Well, yeah, there’s this fact too, but it’s not the main.”

Benny only rolls his eyes and stops by his locker, taking a few books out. The second bell is about to ring and Dean decides to continue towards his own locker, after all he needs his books too. He tells Benny he’ll see him later and they fist bump each other. They do have to find another greeting, this is way too childish.

When Dean gets to his destination, he still hasn’t seen the kid. What is that, is the guy hiding from him? Perhaps his teammates already saw him and started the bullying, telling Dean would do much worse? Dean’s afraid that might be the right answer. Not once has he bullied a soul after he entered High School, but the team doesn’t care much about that, especially because Dean’s pretty strong and he looks like it.

Sighing, Dean closes the locker and heads to his next class, History. Great, a class where he has to see Lisa, everything that he wants right now. He enters the class still looking for the guy, but there are no signs of him. Except for Lisa laughing and saying a strange name. Cassiel? Yeah, that’s a pretty strange name. Maybe Dean heard it wrong.

“Hey, Dean!” Lisa calls when he approaches to hear more about the guy. “Have you seen the new kid? He’s so pathetic!” She starts to laugh together with the other cheerleaders around her. “I mean, okay, he can be a nerd all he wants, but does he really have to walk around with _reading glasses_? He’s even reading comic books!”

Yeah, looks like Dean isn’t going to fuck anyone new. Nerds are one of the elements who go to his ‘no’ list, mainly because _they_ don’t want him to fuck them. “Really?” Dean asks with a low chuckle. He has nothing against comic book. Actually, he even has a few at home. “What did you say his name was?” He tries to look the less interested as possible, but it’s not exactly easy.

Lisa shrugs and nearly falls from the table she’s sitting on. Dean helps her stay steady and she grins at him, getting a small smile as an answer. She frowns and shrugs again. “Castiel, for what I heard.”

So Dean _has_ listened wrong. It’s still a pretty strange name, but sounds cool. Perhaps it won’t be so uncommon after he’s seen the guy. Dean nods and goes to sit on his own chair when Mr. Williams arrives. Another class, another torture. He wishes Sam was there, but not until the fifth period, where they’ll have Math together.

Fifty minutes later and he’s free again to walk back to his locker. Dean doesn’t like to carry all his books and leaving them there means that he can walk around and escape class for a few minutes longer. Everyone wins! He gets a hard time with leaving the class, because Lisa is trying to pull his head out by how strongly she’s embracing his neck. Dean pushes her, without much success, and only wins this battle when Pamela, another cheerleader, calls Lisa for the rehearsal.

He takes a few seconds to recompose himself, shouldering his backpack and twitching his nose. He’s still thinking about the guy when a kid trips and lets all his books and papers fall to the ground. The kid himself is on his knees, trying to get everything back as the whole school laughs at him. Dean sends them deadly looks and they go back to what they were doing as he kneels down with the kid, helping him to take his things back.

As soon as he’s on the floor, the ‘kid’ looks up at him with wide eyes and an open mouth. And _Jesus Christ_ what eyes! They’re the most amazing and beautiful blue Dean has ever seen, nearly burning inside its orbits. His black hair makes a perfect contrast with it and it looks like he just woke up from the best sex life of his life, since the locks point everywhere, messy and stupidly sexy. Of course, his lips are no better. They look dry and no matter how many times he licks them, they keep that way. It’s an irresistible invitation for Dean to try it himself.

But the guy stands up before Dean can do anything he wants and runs on the opposite direction, leaving Dean with nothing but a Batman comic book. He chuckles a little and stands up too, leafing through the pages. Looks like it is in perfect state and Dean’s pretty sure the guy must have a whole untouched collection at home.

The thing is that Dean was right. His name suits him perfectly, better than any other would. A common name such as John or Simon simply wouldn’t feel right. “Castiel…” Dean tries the sound of it on his own voice and thinks it looks amazing, meant for him to say. He smiles, still looking towards where Castiel went and closes his locker, heading to his next class, English.

And isn’t destiny a funny thing? Castiel is sitting on the only vacant chair, which is by Dean’s side. Amazing, right?! Dean bites his lips and runs a hand through his hair. Happily, none of his friends are on this class as well, so he’ll have plenty of time to talk to Castiel. He walks to his own chair and sits there, grinning at Castiel when he turns to him with the same wide eyes.

“You forgot that,” Dean says, handling him the comic book. He’s still smiling, but Castiel looks scared, as if Dean could hit him at any moment. The boy reaches for his extended hand and takes the comic book back, putting it inside his backpack quickly.

Dean wonders if he won’t say anything. The Winchester is nearly _dying_ to hear his voice, because he really can’t imagine it. There’s no voice on his head that suits him, no matter how many he goes through. Castiel nods a little as a thank you and moves his lips, but no sound comes out. Perhaps he’s mute? “I’m Dean,” he tries again, hoping he’ll say something.

“Castiel,” the blue-eyed teen whispers and _holy fuck_! Dean can’t take it. He simply can’t. That voice is…Ugh! It’s so post-sex that Dean has to take a moment to recompose himself before talking again. “Why are you talking to me?” Castiel asks before Dean can say anything.

The Winchester frowns a little. “I’m trying to be friendly,” he explains slowly. “Why, am I making you uncomfortable?”

Castiel looks down for a moment before he sighs and looks to the front of the class. Dean’s happy they’re sitting on the furthest seats from the teacher, this way it’s really easier to talk without getting caught. “A little,” the black-haired confesses. “I heard about your reputation and that’s not exactly how I thought you’d greet me.”

Again, Dean was right. Castiel has met his teammates. Great. “My friends say a lot more than they should, and a good part of whatever they told you is a lie. Let’s see, they said I’d rip your comic books in half and flush them down the toilet? Perhaps that I’d beat you until you bled? Or, the most creative one I can think of right now, that I’d break your glasses in half, punch you in the guts and kick you all the way to the bathroom, where I’d flush your _head_ down the toilet?”

Chuckling, Dean shakes his head, but Castiel looks a little bit more relaxed. “So you won’t?” he asks a bit more hopefully than Dean wanted him to.

With a little smile, he shakes his head again. “Nah, I’m not that kind of guy. Haven’t touched a guy that way since I started High School.” And with that, he hopes that Castiel understood that he meant he touches guys other ways and _really_ wants to touch _him_ the same way.

“I’m glad, really. And thank you for helping me with the books and papers.” STOP. NOW. Castiel is smiling at Dean and the blonde thinks he’s about to have a heart attack. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, _fuck_! He’s not even showing his teeth and Dean already wants to die. What the hell?

Clearing his throat, Dean nods, trying to look normal. “No problems.” He’s about to say more, but Ms. Gale enters the room and throws her books on top of her table. They quickly turn to her as she glares at all the students.

Ms. Gale isn’t a typical professor. She’s scary, _really_ scary. But that’s not the main problem. She thinks she can change the world alone and she tries to start it with her students. Last years she forced all the classes to present a whole Shakespeare play to the rest of the school. Dean’s got the part of Romeo and he swore he’d never be at the drama club. Especially because Jo was Juliet.

“The Internet has poisoned all of your mindless lives,” Ms. Gale starts. “For the rest of the year, I’ll assign only one task for all of you. Only this class will have this advantage, but you’ll have to work hard for it.” She looks at the class above her glasses and growls a little. “The task will start today. As the first part, I want all of you to write your whole address and a nickname on a sheet of paper. Don’t write your real name, you’ll tell me who you are later. And most absolutely, don’t tell any of your colleagues what is your nickname.”

Everybody starts to whisper something at each other as Ms. Gale sits on her chair. A nickname? Dean has no idea what to write! He looks at Castiel to see if they’re on the same boat, but the guy’s already writing as if his life depended on it. With a small sigh, Dean writes his address and starts to chew on his pen.

A nickname…A nickname…What will his nickname be?! He looks around and the first thing he sees is Castiel’s comic book inside his backpack. Well…Then Batman it is. But only Batman? Come on, he can think about something better. Batman the Hunter? Yeah, that sounds cool. Dean bites his lips and writes the nickname before giving the paper to Ms. Gale. She looks at him with narrowed eyes and he only shrugs with a shy smile. Castiel stands just after him and they go back to their chairs together.

“So, what’s your nickname?” Dean asks when they’re already on their seats.

Castiel shakes his head with a quiet laugh and gets his comic book back, putting his reading glasses that, somehow, make him look even sexier. “No way I’m telling _you_.”

“That’s mean.” Dean twitches his nose, but he doesn’t have much time to bitch about that, since Ms. Gale starts to talk again.

She’s standing in the middle of the class, shaking a small plastic bag with the papers inside. “And now everyone will come here and get one of the papers. Only put the paper back if it’s your own. Otherwise, go back to your seat and stay shut until I explain the following step.”

When it’s Dean’s turn, there’s only one paper left. He found out Castiel’s last name is Novak and that his sister Anna is one of the cheerleaders. She’s also in this class and now that he said it, Dean can actually see some similarities. He gets the paper and goes back to his seat, unfolding it and reading an address he’s not familiar with. The calligraphy is perfect, which makes he think it might be a girl. Dean runs his eyes along the paper and frowns a little at the nickname. Angel Blade. He shrugs and waits for Ms. Gale to continue.

“Now, you’ll write a letter to that person. A letter? Yes, a letter. Write whatever it is you want, but don’t tell anybody who it is. The surprise is half of the grade. By the end of the month, I’ll tell if you’ll continue with that task or if we’ll change. Start now.”

Write a letter? Dean has to write a letter? How in the hell will he write a letter?! He doesn’t even know what to say! Taking a deep breath, he chews a bit more on his pen. He decides to start it simply.

_Angel Blade,_

That’s ridiculous.

 _Hi. I wish I could tell you my real name, because, come on, what kind of person decides to write with nicknames? Even worse, what kind of person still writes_ letters _? Only Ms. Gale would assign us something like that._

_Anyway, I really have no idea what to write, so why not tell you about the games? I’m on the school’s team. I hope I’m allowed to say that…Continuing, we have won the last championship, but this new one seems a little more difficult. People are counting on us to give a good show and I’m not sure if that’s what they’ll get. Okay, that’s enough about the games before I start to puke rainbows._

_Let’s see…What else could I say? I like Batman. Perhaps that’s a bit obvious because of the nickname, but, well, who cares, right? Usually I wouldn’t say that to people, but hey! You don’t know who I am, so there’s no big deal. That’s interesting…I can tell you anything about me and you won’t know my real name, so you won’t make fun of what I say._

_That gives me a whole new level of possibilities. Okay, where can I start? Besides Batman, I also like Iron Man. Dude’s badass. And I also have a thing for Cat Woman. Yeah, that’s a nice character._

_Well, I think that’s enough for a first letter. I don’t know if I’ll be writing to you again, but it was cool, to say some things that I usually wouldn’t. So I guess that’s it. Bye?_

_Batman the Hunter._

Dean reads and re-reads the letter. It’s pretty stupid, but it’s also the truth. He’d _never_ tell anybody that he likes Batman, Iron Man and Cat Woman, although the girl is hot. That’s not the world Dean lives in. He turns to look at Castiel and raises his eyebrows when he sees that he’s already reading the comic book again, no sheets of paper on his table.

Standing up, he gives the letter to Ms. Gale and she instantaneously starts to talk again. Oh, they were all waiting for him. “I will give the first letters here in class, but I want you to write one per week and send them by mail. Keep the envelopes, I’ll want them by the end of the month, but I won’t read the letters, so feel free to write anything you want.”

She gives the letters back and Dean quickly unfolds his. For some reason, he’s curious about what ‘Angel Blade’ will write. When everybody is with the letters, Ms. Gale gives them permission to read.

_Batman the Hunter,_

Wow, the person’s calligraphy looks even better.

_What kind of nickname is that? Batman is not a hunter, he is a justice maker. Anyway, I guess I can understand that you were only after a nice name. Although I cannot see why ‘Batman’ is not one._

_After that being said, I have troubles with putting in words what I want to say. So please, do not judge me if that is not what you wanted to read. Perhaps you were waiting for someone more interesting? I do not know and perhaps I never will._

_I keep thinking of what I can and cannot tell you, first because I do not know if Ms. Gale will read the letters, and second because I do not know if you will somehow find out who I really am. No one seems to like me very much and even the few people who talked to me seem like they are somehow trying to make fun of me._

_Yes, perhaps I am being a little paranoid. There is one person, though, who I liked the most. He seems different, but I do not know if he is also one of the millions who want to ‘play’ with me. I really wish he is not._

_I think this has gone too far and perhaps I should rewrite the whole letter, but something tells me I can say those things to you. Do not ask me why. I hope to write to you again._

_Angel Blade._

Okay, Dean has no idea of what to think. Who is this person? Who is the guy the person seems to like? It’s a girl, Dean is most certain about it. Only a girl would write about a guy they just met. Although he doesn’t judge her. He very nearly wrote about Castiel, not doing it only because of the same fears Angel has.

The bell rings short after he finishes reading. He invites Castiel to have lunch with him, but he says something about going to the library. Dean feels a little disappointed inside, but he only shrugs and they agree to see each other when the time comes, then. That’s not what Dean wanted, not even close to it, but he can’t do much about it.

He doesn’t see Castiel for the rest of the day and that makes him a little down. It’s not fair he just met the most handsome guy ever and now he can’t talk to him. It’s simply mean. Sam meets him when the final bell rings and they go home together. Dean thinks about writing an answer to Angel Blade, but there’s a letter on his mail box. And it’s from Angel. He wonders how it got there so fast or how she/he had time to send it.

Shrugging, he runs to his bedroom and locks himself inside, saying nothing but ‘hi’ to his mother and father. He opens the letter and starts to read it as soon as he’s lying on his bed.

_Batman the Hunter,_

_I am the kind of person who still writes letters. My parents are always on vacation and we do not have much time together, only when they come here on weekends or when the school calls them._

Good one, Dean.

_But I will ignore your comment. I get that people our age does not usually like to write much. It is not my case, though. I love to write and do it whenever I can. About your game now, I hope you succeed on it. You look very motivated and ready, that is one of the most important things when we lead others to victory._

_Your liking for comic books impresses me. I do like them too, although I do not have a thing for Cat Woman. Black Widow is way better. Or Hawkeye. But I have to agree, Iron Man is pretty good._

_I do think it is nice to have someone who I can tell whatever I want too. You seem like a nice person and I also wish I could tell you my real name. Perhaps someday we will. I will be waiting for your answer._

_Angel Blade._

Usually Dean doesn’t like to do homework. Actually, he simply hates it. He can’t count on his fingers, hands and feet, how many times he spent the whole night writing an essay or so. But this assignment is different. He actually _likes_ this homework. Come on, they don’t even have to write another letter for a week! And yet, there Dean is, throwing all of his things away, looking desperately for a sheet of paper and a pen.

Takes him a little while, but when he finally finds it, Dean doesn’t lose time and lies on his bed again, chewing on the pen. He reads the letter once more, making sure he will answer everything correctly. To tell the truth, he has no idea why he is so excited with Angel. She/he looks like just a normal girl, but something about her/him makes Dean’s heart skip a few beats while he reads her/his words.

_Angel Blade,_

                _I’m sorry for saying that about the letters. You’re right, I only don’t have the habit to write much. Why are your parents always on vacation? You have anyone who takes care of you while they are out? Or you stay alone, on your own?_

_What do you write about, by the way? I want to know anything you can tell me, and if you wrote something, I want to read it. Maybe you could send it to me on your next letter? I hope so._

_Once again, you’re right. I really am motivated and pretty focused on winning, but I can’t stop thinking that we’ll lose. I don’t know why, looks like I’m one of the few who are that interested. The team has been drifting apart and I think it’s mostly my fault._

_Black Widow, you say? Yeah, she’s nice, but not nearly as good as Cat Woman. Come on, she’s a girl and a cat! Just imagine a kitten play with her and…Well, anyway. Hawkeye, though, I have to agree, is pretty damn awesome! Wish I could shoot an arrow like him!_

_About your first letter now. I don’t know what I was expecting, but you sell yourself way too short. Have some self-esteem, you look like an amazing person! And if I can tell that only by reading two of your letters, well, then it must be true._

_Oh yeah, before I forget, tell me who is that person you talked about. He seems like a nice guy too. Is he from any of your classes? Perhaps I know him and can say something about you some day._

_And one last thing, you can tell anything you want. I won’t tell anyone about it, even if I find out who you really are. You have my word about it._

_Batman the Hunter._

Dean is a little afraid of himself. He looks way too interested about a person he probably doesn’t even know. Okay, he’s seen her/him at school and English class, but it could be really anyone. It could be Charlie, a lesbian cheerleader – the coolest one – who seats a few chairs in front of him. It could be Anna, Castiel’s sister. It could be Gordon, a stupid guy who always poked on new students. It could be Alastair, Gordon’s best friend who was no better than him.

It could be _anyone_. And Dean is pretty sure he will lose his mind if he continues thinking about that. Still, how can he stop? Angel only wrote two letters and he’s already more hooked up on her/him than he’s been on anyone else. That’s damn right scary.

A knock can be heard on the door a few minutes after Dean decided that his letter is okay for now. Maybe too desperate, but, well, they don’t know each other. Yet. Dean tells whatever it is to come in and Sam closes the door behind him. “What are you doing?”

The blonde shrugs and starts folding the letter. “Homework. Ms. Gale already stuffed us with it,” he explains as if he didn’t want to write to Angel.

“Let me see it.” Sam reaches for the letter, but Dean raises it up high.

And guess what? It’s no use, because Sam is like the most giant kid Dean has ever seen. “Sammy, give it back,” the older asks, trying to take the letter.

Sam only shakes his head and unfolds the paper, reading it and frowning. Dean falls on his bed, because there’s no way he’ll win a fight with that stupid sack of brains. “Who’s Angel Blade? And why do you have nicknames for each other?”

Biting the inner side of his cheeks, Dean sighs. “Ms. Gale gave us a task. We have to write to someone in class, but we have no idea who we are writing to, so we have to use nicknames.”

“And yours is ‘Batman the Hunter’?” Sam laughs, tilting his head back and Dean gets the chance to get his letter back, twitching his nose.

He folds the letter once more and stands up, heading outside and finding an envelope where he can write Angel’s address. “Well, I saw a Batman comic book on Castiel’s backpack and ‘Hunter’ is a pretty nice connotation.”

Once he’s finished, Dean puts the letter inside the envelope and sticks a stamp on it, heading to the yard where the mail box is set. But the mailman has already passed by. Perhaps…Dean looks around and sees the guy a few blocks away. He starts running towards him and growls when he hears Sam’s footsteps right behind him. “Dude, you’re running after the mailman for that person! What the hell has gotten into you?”

“Good question,” Dean says and reaches the guy, handling him his letter. “Hey! Can you deliver this for me, please?”

The mailman nods and puts the letter on his sack. Dean nearly lies on the street and stays right there. “Wait,” Sam starts, frowning at his brother. “You said Castiel? As in Castiel Novak?”

Confirming with a slight nod, Dean starts going back to his house. “Yeah, why?”

Sam raises his eyebrows. “Since when do you talk to nerds?” the brown-haired asks, confused, and Dean can’t blame him. Even he has no idea.

“Once again, good question,” Dean says as he chews on his bottom lip. “I don’t know, he seems like a nice guy.”

“And you want to fuck him.”

At the words, Dean turns sharply to his brother. Dear gosh, is he that transparent? Dean’s happy he told his brother he is bi, or else that sentence would have sounded a _lot_ worse. “Well, yeah, come on, have you _seen_ him? His hair, his voice, his _eyes_ …Wow.”

Grimacing, Sam waves Dean off. “Yeah, yeah, I get it, you have a thing for the new guy. He’s really nice, you know? We have Geometry and Geography together and we talked a little.”

With a low chuckle, Dean nods, a small smile forming on the corner of his lips. “I talked to him too. We have English together.”

Sam stops abruptly and holds Dean’s arm, making the blonde face him. “So that means Castiel can be Angel Blade?”

Dean frowns at him. The possibility hasn’t occurred to his damaged brain. “Could be,” he says slowly. “But I don’t think so. Angel likes comics, okay, but I’m pretty sure it’s a girl.”

“How do you know?” Sam pushes.

“I don’t. But the calligraphy is pretty girly and she/he talks about guys and girls normally. A guy doesn’t talk that way.”

“Unless he’s gay,” Sam tries again, wiggling his eyebrows.

What the hell is that, is Sam trying to find Dean a boyfriend? God, please, don’t let it be. “Sam, it’s not because a new guy who likes comic books talked to me that he’s gay. Jesus, you and Benny are the only ones who know I swing that way in school.”

“Okay, then let me talk to Castiel and we’ll see.”

Those words being said, Sam runs back to the house so that Dean can’t tell him not to. Well, this is not the best solution ever, but it is one of them. It would be pretty damn fucking _awesome_ if Castiel was Angel Blade. I mean, gorgeous and already has Dean hooked up on him? What more can Dean ask for?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will not be posted this Staurday for personal problems, I'll tell you more about it later, I'm really sorry.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's excited because after a month of writing to Angel, he'll finally get to know him/her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is shorter than the first one, mainly because this story was originally meant to be a one shot. Still, if the responses continue as good as for the other chapter, I'll probably post the third one tomorrow and start writing the fourth again. Hope you all like it!

One month later and it happens that Castiel isn’t Angel Blade. Sam talked to him at class and when the brown-haired met Dean, he only shook his head and the blonde Winchester knew the answer. Looks like his little fantasy was over.

The problem? Every passing day Dean is more hooked up on both Angel and Castiel. He is afraid he’ll have to choose one of them someday. Castiel and Dean talk every single day, sometimes they even stay after school time in the library only so they can say the most meaningless and the most important things.

Castiel told him that his parents, Bobby and Ellen, are almost never at home because they have to travel for work. Ellen is a travel agency tour guide and Bobby is a mechanic. They both work for the same agency and when they’re home, they try to spend most of their time with their four kids, Castiel, Anna, Gabriel and Lucifer. Castiel is the youngest, a few hours younger than Anna. It was quite a surprise to find out they are twins.

Gabriel is out of school and so is Lucifer. They maintain together Bobby’s auto shop, a few blocks from the school. Castiel helps them whenever he has a free time, but it doesn’t happen much, especially now that it’s his last year at school. He’s focused on Medicine and is working as hard as possible. Some colleges already called him about an interview, but Castiel wants the big ones, such as Harvard. He even thought about Oxford, but doesn’t know anyone who lives in England with whom he could stay for a while until he finds a place to live.

Usually, Dean would be bored by the second word, but, besides the fact that Castiel’s voice is simply _amazing_ , his story is also interesting and Dean wants to know everything Castiel will be willing to tell him. And he tells a lot.

By the second week, they were nearly best friends. Benny also likes Castiel and the three of them hang together during the breaks or lunch. Yet, that’s not enough to keep guys like Metatron or Alastair out of Castiel’s ass. He’s still a nerd – something that Dean finds pretty damn cute – and the guys keep on poking him.

There’s one guy, though, who’s getting to Dean’s nerves. Crowley. He’s one of Dean’s teammates; a smug smile will never leave his lips, except when he’s glaring at Castiel. Dean wants to punch that look out of his face and he only hasn’t done it yet because Benny always stops him. Castiel also tries to stop him, but Dean can see the tears on his eyes when Crowley shoves him against the lockers and call him an orphan.

That’s simply not human and Dean won’t take much more of it. His protective instinct speaks louder these times. It’s not easy to forget what he had to do so Sam wouldn’t be bullied. The memories are still very much alive and they send shivers down his spine. He remembers every punch, every kick and every word. And all of that came from Alastair, Gordon, Azazel, Crowley, Metatron, Dick, Naomi, Lilith and Meg. Even a few words from Ruby, Sam’s ‘best friend’ and almost girlfriend at the time.

Dean wouldn’t think twice on going through it once more for Castiel. He thought about suggesting it, he even talked to Benny about the idea, but the southern stopped him right away. He said Castiel would hate him for that and the last thing Dean could take now is Castiel’s hate. Not when they’re so close.

Benny has already noticed Dean’s – huge – interest on their friend, but they’re both very careful not to say anything when Castiel is around. He proved to be very much straight when the three of them went to a party and Castiel was part of the truth or dare challenge. The Novak kissed so many girls that Dean lost count. It was quite a night for Dean. He spent it drunk and thinking about anything that would get his mind out of Castiel, in this case, Angel.

Angel didn’t show any kind of interest on him. Maybe because they still don’t know who they are, but the nicknames already got shortened. Dean doesn’t call him/her Angel Blade anymore, only Angel, and Angel calls him Hunter. It’s pretty much the same, but it makes all the difference for Dean.

Every day when he gets home, there’s a new letter waiting for him, sometimes two, one being the real letter and the other being something Angel wrote. He/she hasn’t written anything about Dean yet, although it didn’t stop him from asking. Angel denied, saying it was something way too personal and that he/she only wrote about people he/she is in love with or care about as a family member. Their relationship hasn’t reached this level yet.

It makes Dean a little sad, but he’s okay with that. Of course, only because of Castiel. He’s the only reason why Dean still hasn’t asked Angel out. He wishes so badly they were the same person that it hurts. Castiel’s beauty and personality, his smile, his voice, mixed with everything Angel told him, the way he/she writes, the way he/she talks about what he/she is feeling. Dean thinks that would be his ideal boyfriend/girlfriend. Well, boyfriend, since he’d have Castiel’s looks.

When Dean looked around his room before starting to write to Angel, he could see some Rock posters on the wall, a desk with a laptop, some miniatures of old cars, a few comic books and his bed, always messed up and with two or three school books and dirty shirts. When Dean looks around his room now, after he’s started writing to Angel, he can see all of that. In the middle of an ocean of new and used sheets of paper, envelopes, stamps and old pens.

Only one thing stands out, a box on top of his computer desk, where he keeps all of Angel’s letters. He can now count them as twenty-five letters. When he hasn’t anything better to do, he opens the box and starts to read them, in order or not. Dean asked Angel more than once his/her phone number, but he/she refuses to give it to him.

But all this waiting will be worth tomorrow, when the month Ms. Gale assigned them to write the letters will be over. And then Dean will finally find out who Angel really is. Right now, he can barely hold still, reading Angel’s today letter.

_Hunter,_

_I feel insecure with our meeting tomorrow. You see, I do want to know who you are, but I am afraid you will be disappointed with me. That is what actually happens, after all. Even though this is the first time I write letters to someone who is not one of my parents, I have already met a few people after only talking to them by phone or messages. Not once it ended up right._

_Perhaps I should care less about that. But then I would not be myself and, what is the point of talking to you if I cannot be who I really am? I guess that was one of Ms. Gale’s main points, aside from taking us away of the Internet. To be ourselves with someone we barely even know._

_Still, it is hard for me, trying to be so honest with you, although everything I have told you is nothing but the truth. I like telling you those things and I am sincerely afraid that our…Friendship might end once we meet._

_I do not know who you are and you do not know who I am. Is it not better this way? Is it not better that we can tell each other anything we want? What if, after we know who we are, we will not be able to trust each other anymore? I do not want that to happen._

_My fears are greater than just that, though. What if you are one of those who hate me? Or worse, what if you are him? I do not know what I would do if you were him. It hurts to even think about it, because I simply know he would never talk to me the way you do._

_I guess we will find that out tomorrow. I hope you will write me again after that._

_Take care,_

_Angel._

Dean knows exactly who Angel is talking about. Well, not _exactly_ , but the thing is that Angel is in love with someone for a week now and the guy apparently doesn’t give a crap about him/her. Angel said they are good friends, but nothing more than that, although he/she already tried his/her best to make him see he/she is there to more than just a friendship.

Lucky bastard.

He wishes _he_ was that guy. He wishes _he_ could make Angel happy. Angel knows about Castiel, although he/she doesn’t know Castiel is Castiel. Dean made sure to be very subtle about him, but he did say that he thinks he’s feeling something for the Novak teen. He only doesn’t know exactly what yet. Well, actually he does, but he doesn’t want to admit it. Not when Castiel doesn’t feel the same and Dean still has Angel. Somehow.

After taking a new sheet of paper and his best pen, Dean settles down on his bed, laying on his stomach and trying to think of a good answer to Angel. It will be the last one before they meet and he wants it to be a good one.

_Angel,_

_You’re not the only one who’s afraid of how tomorrow will be. But disappoint? There’s no way you could disappoint me. I feel like I know you better than I know myself or anyone else I know in person. I’ve been waiting for tomorrow ever since your first letter and I think it will probably be one of the best days of my life._

_Our friendship, relationship, whatever this is, won’t end only because you’ll know who I am and I’ll know who you are. Not if it depends on me, at least. I’ll never stop writing to you, Angel, even if you stop writing to me. I like the pain in my hand when I finish writing one of the answer-letters._

_There’s only one person in the whole school that I hate and he’s not on the English class. It’s true that there are a few people that I don’t like, but none of them would be able to write the way you do. You’re way too formal to be one of them. And I’m not complaining. Your formality is one of the things that make you Angel, so it’s also one of the things that make me like you. For exactly who you are._

_If I’m him…Then I’ll be the luckiest guy in the school. I’ll see you tomorrow, Angel._

The green-eyed teen has no idea of how to end the letter. Angel said ‘Take care’. Could he say ‘With love’? ‘See you then’? It looks way too personal. Angel doesn’t seem the kind of person who likes to take things personal that easily. So what can he write?

Normally, he only writes his nickname, but this time Angel wrote something more and Dean also wants to write something more. But what? He could ask Sam. Most certainly his younger brother would know something to write, but he doesn't want to talk about Angel with him.

Angel is Dean’s private secret and he wants to keep things that way. Sam is the only one who knows that he writes to him/her, but it’s already enough. Dean doesn’t want Sam to give opinions about what he can and can’t talk about with him/her.

So what will he write? ‘Best wishes’? Too formal. ‘Love’? Too informal. Dean has no fucking idea. He could always ask Castiel. After all, the Novak is on his English class and also has the same assignment, so he probably knows how to end a letter the way Dean wants.

Dean thinks about sending a message, but he misses Castiel’s voice. They don’t talk much during weekends and it’s already Sunday. He dials the number and waits. Castiel answers a few rings after, his voice deeper than usual. “What?” the blue-eyed asks, nearly growling.

Swallowing, Dean takes a moment to remember how to speak. “Ahn…Hey, Castiel, it’s Dean.”

“Dean…” Castiel sighs. “Wait a second.” Dean hears some moving inside and Castiel’s voice from afar. “Stay shut or leave, I’ll get back in a few minutes.” The Winchester frowns. Castiel has company? Dean’s nose twitches against his will. “Okay, talk.”

It’s hard to do so when Dean knows Castiel has an active life at weekends. “Are you busy?” Dean asks, his voice a bit harsher than he intended.

“A little,” Castiel confesses. “But she can wait. What is it?”

“Who’s there?” His voice is faster than him. A lot.

Castiel sounds confused when he talks again. “Why does it matter?”

Good question, Castiel, good question. “Who’s there?” Dean asks again.

“Rachel, from the Arts class. Is that all?” He sounds mad now. Awesome.

Running a hand through his hair, Dean bites his lower lip. Damn it! Why does Castiel have to have company right when Dean decides to call him? “Just forget it.”

Before Castiel can say anything about how Dean sounds different, the blonde ends the call and goes back to his letter. He’ll have to think about something on his own.

How do you end a letter to the person you’re pretty sure you’re in love with after just talking to the person you’re pretty sure you’re in love with – those two not being the same – and he was with a date? You don’t. You take the glass of water on top of your computer desk and you throw it against your bedroom’s door.

And that’s exactly what Dean does. He breathes heavier than usual and falls on his bed, burying his face on his pillow, hoping he won’t wake up until the night falls. That’s pretty much what happens and Dean remembers that he didn’t finish Angel’s letter, so he/she won’t receive it until tomorrow.

He finishes it with the first thing that comes to his head, ‘With love’, and decides to do probably the last thing he should. Dean takes his father’s car’s keys and drives to Angel’s address. Of course, that is one of Dean’s last ideas, but he can’t do much about it now.

The car is parked in front of the house’s address, but something’s gotta be wrong. The mailbox says ‘The Novaks’, and that can only mean that…Castiel is Angel? But Sam said he’s not, so only one option is left. Anna Novak is Angel. Holy shit, Dean’s in love with both Anna and Castiel Novak.

It’s not always that Dean falls in love with twins, so he has to take a moment to recompose himself. He calls Sam. That’s the only thing he can do. The brown-haired answers after the first ring. “Hey, Dean, what’s up?”

“I’m in love with twins.” He simply spits it out and hears Sam gasping and nearly choking on the other side of the line.

Dean waits until his brother is back to life. “What?!”

“Well, you know about Castiel,” he starts and Sam confirms. “But I’m in love with Angel too. And Angel is Anna Novak.”

Sam takes a good few minutes to answer. “How do you know that?”

Licking his lips, Dean looks at the Novaks’ front door. “I forgot to deliver Angel’s letter to the mailman today, so I decided to come to her house. At first I thought it was Castiel, but you told me he’s not Angel, so the only person I’m left with is Anna Novak. I’m in love with Castiel and Anna Novak. Sam, what do I do?”

The blonde Winchester is panicking. He has no idea of how to react. Should he go back home and think about which one he likes more? That’s unfair. Especially because Castiel doesn’t like him. Castiel is straight. So… “I’m gonna ask Anna out. That’s it. Thanks, Sam.”

“No, Dean, wait!” But Dean hangs up before he can say anything else. He gets out of the Impala and heads to the Novaks’ front door.

Takes him a few deep breaths before he’s ready, but he finally manages to raise his hand and knock on the door. A blonde guy with blue eyes that look a lot like Castiel’s – but not nearly as beautiful and bright –, opens it and raises his eyebrows. Dean recognizes him as Lucifer. “Yeah?” the guy asks, eating the apple he has on his hand.

Dean smiles a little. “Hi, I’m here to see Anna.”

Lucifer slams the door on Dean’s face and the Winchester is about to knock on it again when the redhead girl opens it with a sheepish smile. “Hey, Dean,” she says, putting her hair behind her ear.

Wow, Dean never took a moment to look at her, but the girl is damn pretty. Not as pretty as Castiel, b—No. Dean’s not allowed to think like that. Not when he’s about to ask her out. “Hi, Angel,” he calls her by the nickname and she giggles a little. Yes, that’s definitely her. “Wanna grab a bite?”

Anna blinks a few times at him before looking down at herself and nodding exasperatedly. “Yes, of course! Just…Just let me change my clothes. Come in, Gabriel will make you company while I’m gone. It won’t be more than ten minutes.”

She’s gone short after that and Dean is left with Gabriel Novak and his smirk. It’s creepy, but nothing that Dean can’t handle. At least he hopes so. “So, you’re into my sister?” And your brother, but he’s not gay, so I’m trying with your sister, yeah.

“Anna is amazing, really,” Dean answers instead. He thinks it wouldn’t be nice for a first talk to say that he likes both of the twins.

Gabriel’s smirk only grows. “She sure is. You’re Castiel’s friend, aren’t you?” And I wish I was more, but, as I said, he’s not gay, so, yeah.

But Dean nods, watching Gabriel follow him just after. “I see…He’s here, you know? Reading some letters from his English class. He’s so obsessed with that guy he’s writing to…It’s pretty sick, you know?”

Castiel is obsessed with something that isn’t a school subject? Well, now _that’s_ new. “Yeah, I can relate,” Dean confesses with a small smile.

“Can you?”

It’s the last words he hears from Gabriel before Anna climbs down the stairs, smiling in a white dress that suits her pretty well. Dean stands immediately and ignores the look Gabriel’s throwing at him. “You look amazing,” he says when Anna approaches him. She looks down, chuckling in a low tone.

Dean’s completely happy that Anna is Angel. She’s beautiful, smart and by what she told him, she’s very into him. Well, she hasn’t told him that she is into _him_ , but by the way she reacted at the door, Dean’s pretty sure he’s the guy she’s into. That’s confusing.

They leave the house and have a pretty nice night. Anna talks about the cheerleaders’ plans for the next game. Dean talks about the game itself and tells her about how he’s still afraid to lose. The night is great, but one thing bothers Dean a little. She doesn’t sound the same as when she writes. Perhaps she’s a little more informal when she’s talking.

After three hours, Anna says she has to go back home. Dean tells her he understands, but asks to see her again tomorrow, getting a laugh and a ‘We’ll see each other at school tomorrow’ as an answer. When they stop at her porch, Dean hesitates on leaving. Anna is looking down away into the night, smiling a little at it. They know a lot about each other, so why is he hesitating now?

Without giving himself a second moment to think, Dean cups Anna’s cheeks with his hands and kisses her lightly. The brush of their lips is barely even there for the first seconds, but then Anna wraps her arms around his neck and deepens the kiss. It’s not right. It’s not how it was supposed to feel. It’s pleasant, of course, almost every kiss is, but it’s not the ‘fireworks’ Dean was expecting.

His hands, though, still hold the small of her back, pressing her a little against his body. They stay like this, entangling their tongues, until the door opens. Dean draws back, letting Anna go and clearing his throat as the girl brushes her fingertips along her lips. Castiel is standing there with wide eyes and a surprised expression. His mouth is slightly open, as if he is trying to find the right words, but nothing will come out.

“Ahn…Sorry for this,” Dean says after an uncomfortable silence. He scratches the back of his neck before placing a kiss to Anna’s forehead. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Angel. Nice to see you, Castiel.”

Anna smiles at him and nods a little. He’s pretty sure he heard Castiel mumbling a barely audible ‘A-Angel?’, but he can’t say it for sure. Heading back to his car, Dean licks his lips. That wasn’t the best kiss of his life, but it was still a good one. He thinks about it throughout the night and remembers he never got the chance to deliver the letter to Anna.

Yet, when he pats his pocket, the letter is not there. Perhaps he let it fall on the way back home. It doesn’t matter now, though. He knows Angel and Angel knows him. And that’s the way things should be.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel has changed a lot, Angel stopped writing Dean and he's so confused he thinks his head will explode. Maybe something is wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter I'll be posting so closely to the others, mainly because this is the last one I have written - although I have started the fourth - and school starts tomorrow. I'll be posting chapters once a week, maybe every Friday? I don't know, will tell you all when I post the next chapter, but I promise I won't stop writing. So thanks to who's read it! Hope you like it!

Two more months are spent that way. Ms. Gale said the assignment was over and that almost nobody gave her the envelopes, so they wouldn’t have to write the letters anymore. Dean still did, though. Still does.

But the reply never comes.

He wonders why Anna would stop writing to him only because they started dating, but he doesn’t care much about it. What he does care about, though, is that Castiel won’t talk to him. They haven’t said – Castiel hasn’t said – a word to each other since the Novak saw Dean kissing his twin sister on the porch. Dean doesn’t understand why.

Ms. Gale decided not to reveal the real identities in class, because she said that maybe someone could have the urge to keep on doing the assignment, although most of the people stopped. Dean can’t come to it. Actually, right now he’s writing one of his letters, lying on his stomach as he always does to write.

_Dear Angel,_

Dean simply can’t stop calling her that. It’s how everything started and he likes it.

_I still wonder why you won’t answer my letters. Is it only because we started to date? Perhaps I should just have the balls to ask you, but I don’t feel like you trust me anymore. I think you were right. I think we_ did _drift apart when we met, even if we are seeing each other._

_My feelings for you seem to be becoming something different than I wanted. From the start I didn’t feel like we were it. But I tried to give us a chance, you know? I mean, I fell in love with you after two letters. And that doesn’t seem to be enough._

_Maybe I’m not really in love with you. Maybe I just think I am. Our kisses…They don’t feel like they should. I want to understand, Angel, why I can’t seem to like you as much as I do on your letters. We seem to be so perfect together while writing…Why is it not the same while we’re together?_

_I shouldn’t send you this letter. I know I shouldn’t but…It’s been two months already and I still don’t feel anything. I know why. I know I do, but I can’t bring myself to tell you, not this way._

_I’m so sorry, Angel._

He couldn’t sign it. She’ll know it’s him, so there’s no need for it. The reason why he wrote it? Dean’s still in love with Castiel. He can’t. He simply _can’t_ forget about him. No matter he’s straight, no matter he’ll never get to touch him or kiss him. Or even talk to the bastard. It’s this way ever since Dean first saw those stupid blue eyes.

With a sigh, he walks outside and hands the letter to the postman, who puts it in his sack. It’s almost night and Dean’s happy he didn’t set up any dates with Anna today. He thinks he won’t be able to look at her for a long time after that letter.

It’s not his fault that he can’t make himself fall in love! He tried to, he swears he did, but he can’t. Every time Dean looks at Anna, he sees Castiel, and every time he looks at Castiel, he sees everything he’s ever wanted.

Of course, though, this cake has to have a cherry on top of it, and in this case, is that Castiel, a bit more than a month ago, moved from ‘the guy everyone wants to hit’ to ‘the guy everyone – even guys – wants to hit. _On_ ’. It’s killing Dean, because he has to watch Castiel walk around with a different girl every single damn day.

Today was a difficult one. Perhaps the _most_ difficult one. Benny told Dean he’d seen Castiel making out with Naomi on the lockers. That’s fairly common, but the worst part is that Dean went to the bathroom before heading to English class and he heard the last thing he wanted to. It was Castiel’s voice, no doubt of that, and the other was a _male_ voice. Yes, Castiel was making out with a _guy_. A guy who wasn’t Dean.

He left before he could hear more, but he waited outside, only to find out that the other guy was Balthazar, one of Castiel’s friends from his Literature class. Dean couldn’t be more pissed. So Castiel swings that way? Why didn’t he ever tell him? Dean wouldn’t have taken two days to make a move!

And now he can’t do it. Why? Because he’s breaking up with Castiel’s _twin_ sister. How in hell will he ask Castiel out? Besides, the Novak never showed any kind of interest on him, so why bother?

Those are the thoughts wondering around his head as he lies on his bed, staring at the ceiling and hearing some good and old Rock and Roll. The song playing right now is Elvis Presley’s ‘(You’re the) Devil in Disguise’. Suits Castiel pretty perfectly, doesn’t it?

“You look like an angel, walk like an angel, talk like an angel, but I got wise. You’re the devil in disguise, oh yes you are, devil in disguise, hmm,” he sings to himself. Yes, it definitely suits Castiel perfectly.

The blue-eyed teen looked so innocent when Dean met him…And he was! Dean’s sure of it. They talked for long enough for Dean to find out nearly everything about him, including how his life on other schools had been. And the guy was a saint, really. So what changed? Why did he suddenly decide to play the womanizer? The Castiel Dean fell in love wasn’t a womanizer.

Dean doesn’t know when he falls asleep, but the next thing he knows, he’s dreaming that he’s sitting on a park. Nobody else is around and the sky looks dark. It’s a pretty sad scene to look at and Dean wants to get out. Still, he can’t bring himself to stand up. The place he’s at is incredibly comfortable and, instead of leaving, he lies down, letting out a soft sigh.

His next breath catches on his throat, because he’s not on the park anymore once his eyes open again. This time he’s at a beach, staring at the sea. He’s also alone, but the sky looks a bit clearer. Fewer clouds can be seen and the blue is starting to stand out. He doesn’t stay there for long, though.

A forest is the next place where Dean finds himself. He stands up quickly because, although the sky is as blue as it can be, he’s still in the middle of a forest, where he can be eaten or chased. The teen walks slowly, trying not to trip on the rocks and leafs on his path. His eyes see the cabin before his brain tells him what it is.

Swallowing, the Winchester walks towards it. His heart is pounding loudly and almost painfully against his ears and he feels like he shouldn’t enter. Well, actually his _brain_ says he shouldn’t enter. But his feelings are telling him exactly the opposite. And you know what? Dean has never been a moved by his thoughts, so why start now?

Licking his lips, he pushes the door opened. A chair is facing the fireplace, which is turned on, and Dean can see spiky black hair on top of it. He doesn’t know why, but it’s a relaxing sight that makes him close the door behind him and approach the chair. It turns to him when he’s barely two feet away from it.

Castiel is smiling that same smile he gave Dean on the first day they met, and he stands up to caress Dean’s cheek with the back of his hand. It’s the most amazing feeling Dean has ever felt and he consciously – and willingly – leans against it, closing his eyes. Castiel doesn’t take his hand away, instead turning it around to brush his fingertips along Dean’s jaw, contouring his face lines.

“I miss you so much,” Dean whispers, opening his eyes and holding Castiel’s wrist lightly. The black-haired nods slowly, his smile losing up a bit. His fingers don’t stop moving, tracing all of Dean’s face before it settles on his lips, moving along the upper one before lowering to the lower one.

That’s the first time Dean has had this dream, but it’s definitely not the first time he’s dreamed about Castiel. Actually, the Novak visits his subconscious nearly every day. And Dean has nothing to complain about it, because, if he can’t have Castiel while awaken, at least he can have him while sleeping.

Sighing, Castiel takes a small step forward, putting his free hand on Dean’s hip. His eyes are focused on the Winchester’s lips, but he doesn’t make a move. Dean doesn’t make it either. He doesn’t want his first kiss with Castiel to be inside his dream. Instead, he wraps his arms around the shorter teen’s torso, dragging him closer. The hand Castiel had on his lips falls to his chest, where his fingers curl on Dean’s shirt.

Placing their foreheads together, Dean takes a deep breath. Castiel’s scent is exactly how he remembers, probably exactly because he remembers it that way. He doesn’t complain, though. It’s nice and it’s the first scent he’s felt on him. And he still can’t say what it smells like. One thing is for sure, it’s not a perfume or cologne. It’s simply Castiel. Castiel and his fucking perfection.

“Come back to me,” Dean nearly begs. He can’t stand being away from Castiel anymore. The teen has his way to Dean’s very soul and the Winchester misses it, misses the intense stare Castiel used to give him while they talked alone at the library. Misses the low pitch of his voice when he whispered to him during English class, thinking Ms. Gale would catch them if he talked any higher.

The dream-Castiel shakes his head while digging his nails on Dean’s hip. It’s a little painful, but it’s still Castiel and Dean can’t bring himself to stop him. The feeling is barely there, actually, like a distant memory. For the moment, it’s enough and Dean allows himself to dive into that small touch; into that small movement of possession.

Not knowing what else to do, Dean runs his hand upwards and buries his fingers inside Castiel’s hair, pulling it slightly, not enough to hurt, but enough to call his attention. The blue eyes meet his almost instantaneously and they look sad, as if Castiel has seen the worst scene he could possibly see. “Come back to me,” the Winchester repeats, but Castiel only touches his lips once more and places a kiss to his chest, disappearing right after.

Dean wants to scream, but he doesn’t know _what_ to scream. The first thing that comes to his head is Castiel’s name, and he’s about to say it when he wakes up. His alarm clock – read: Sam – is jumping on top of him with a letter on his hands. “Wake up, dumbass!”

The older brother only pulls his blanket higher, hiding his face inside it. It’s a fucking Saturday, Dean doesn’t have to wake up before noon. Wait, what time is it? He lifts the blanket only enough so he can see the clock. “Fuck, Sammy, what do you want? It’s eight a.m., if the letter is not from Angel, I don’t care.”

“It kind of is,” Sam says, making Dean nearly jump to his feet. Angel answered him? She finally wrote his reply? The blonde shoves Sam away and gets the letter from his hands.

But the letter isn’t what Dean was expecting. It’s actually the same letter Dean sent to her last night, but this time it’s written ‘ **Return to Sender** ’ on the front. “What does she mean by that?”

Sam licks his lips and shrugs. “I don’t know. Maybe she doesn’t want to receive letters from you anymore.”

The kid looks way more suggestive than he should. Dean can see right through his fake indifference. “Sam…?”

“I read it,” he confesses and Dean sighs, putting the letter on his computer desk. “I know why you don’t like Anna.”

That’s obvious, thank you, Sam. “Yeah, because I’m in love with Castiel. Big deal, he won’t even look at me anymore.”

“She’s not Angel.” Sam says that so convicted that Dean actually frowns.

“Of course Anna’s Angel, Sam. The address leads to her house and you said Castiel wasn’t Angel, so Anna is the only one left.”

Dean is waiting for a confirmation, but Sam only shakes his head. “You’ll find it out, sooner or later. Angel will tell you. But think about writing to him or her as if he or she wasn’t Anna. It’ll be easier for both of you.”

And with those oh so kind words, Sam leaves the room. Dean takes the letter and runs after him. He doesn’t stop by Sam’s room, though, instead running outside so he can leave the letter on the mailbox where the postman can try sending it again. He hopes this time it will get to Angel’s house.

Now that he’s back in the house, he can think again. What in the hell was Sam talking about when he said Anna is not Angel? He has to find out what he meant about that. But not right now, because it’s a freaking Saturday and it’s freaking eight a.m. Dean likes to sleep in, thank you very much.

So that’s exactly what he does. The blonde Winchester teen sleeps until one p.m. and he only wakes up because his cell phone is ringing. He doesn’t look at the number before answering; he simply hits the green button and turns his head so his face won’t be facing the pillow. “Hello?”

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is Dean’s best rough, low and sleepy voice. Aka, the same voice he commonly uses during sex. “Dean Winchester?”

“Yeah?” He runs his hand through his face, but his eyes won’t open.

The other person takes a while to answer. “Hi, it’s Ash Harvelle here. I got your number with your brother and wondered if you have Castiel’s cell phone number?”

Really? He woke Dean up to ask Castiel’s number? On a fucking _Saturday_? “For what? So you can fuck tonight?”

I’m very sorry, but Dean won’t take that. It’s enough that Castiel wants to fuck the whole school, does his ‘ _friends_ ’ also have to call Dean to ask his number? Ash sighs. “Actually, I’m one of those who are at least _trying_ to convince him to stop that, since a certain jerk got him into that stupidity.”

Awesome, now the guy is going to talk as if Dean had the whole blame. “Look here, buddy, Castiel is doing what he’s doing because it’s _his_ fucking life. Don’t put the blame on me, because I had nothing to do with that.”

Ash makes a frustrated noise. “I’m not going to talk about things you already know, Winchester. Now, do you have Castiel’s number?”

“What for?” It’s unstoppable. Dean can be as mad as he wants to with Castiel – or himself –, but he’ll always be protective over him because _that’s_ the way things started between them, and not Castiel being a mere slut.

“I’ll throw a small party at my house today,” Ash says after a few minutes. “It’s actually a kind of plot so Castiel won’t spend the night with some stupid guy who can get him drunk or even drug him, like it’s been happening for a while. You’re invited too. That’s also one of the reasons I asked Sam for your number and didn’t go right to Anna or someone else.”

Dean raises his head sharply. “What do you mean with ‘like it’s been happening for a while’? Castiel is doing drugs?”

Another frustrated noise comes from the other side of the line as Dean sits up. “Kind of, I thought you knew. He’s not exactly doing them, but some jerks are drugging him without his consent.”

The Winchester’s knuckles turn white around both the phone and the bed. “Who?” The word comes out between clenched teeth and sounds pretty damn dangerous. Dean knows, somehow, that Ash’s aware that his anger is not directed to him.

“I don’t know. He only appeared at my porch a few days ago a little dizzy and threw up. At first I thought he was only drunk, but then he said his beer tasted funny and I caught it right away.”

Dean’s snarl is unexpected to him, but Ash doesn’t show much of a reaction aside from continuing to talk. “Anyway, will you come? I know he’s not talking to you, but I think you could convince him to stop. You looked like good friends before whatever drifted you apart.”

Friends. Friends and nothing else, that’s what Dean and Castiel will always be. Biting his lips, Dean nods, even though he knows Ash can’t see him. “Yeah. Yeah, I’ll be there by eight.” He gives Ash Castiel’s number – which he _doesn’t_ know by memory. He doesn’t – and gets his address before hanging up.

The only thing he can do then is running his hand through his hair. He never thought Castiel would start doing drugs. Drinking is okay, every teenager drinks, but drugs? What if he has done it before, aware of what he was doing? Dean doesn’t want to think about that.

As expected, the day runs like a snail on a rabbit’s race. Dean takes his time showering and shaving – not because he wants to impress Castiel. That’s not the reason – before facing his wardrobe. Normally choosing his clothes is an easy task, but today it seems like all of the pieces look different, although none looks good.

Almost an hour he spends trying to choose what will look like something ‘Hey, Cas, it’s not that I’m in love with you, but do you want to stay with me for the rest of our lives? Because if you do, you could very well stop doing drugs and come kiss me. That would be nice, don’t you think? I do’.

The final result is dark jeans pants, a black shirt, another green shirt – that suits his eyes, although he _didn’t_ choose it because of that –, and a leather jacket on top of all, ending with his usual boots. Yeah, he looks nice on the mirror. But the guy looking back at him looks way more confident than he does. It’s a strange sight.

Seven thirty he leaves the house on his father’s car. He has no idea where Ash’s house is, but he thinks he knows a few streets close to it. At eight ten he finally parks in front of Ash’s porch, where two cars are also lined down the street. Dean takes a deep breath before running his fingers through his hair to try and straight it up.

When he feels a little less hopeless, the Winchester gets out of the Impala and knocks on the front door. Ash answers quickly and welcomes him in, saying Castiel is already on the backyard, watching the stars with both Chuck – Ash’s boyfriend, believe it you or not – and Charlie, the lesbian cheerleader. Dean loves that girl.

“He looks better today,” Ash says as they head to the backyard. Dean thinks his own footsteps are unsteady, but Ash doesn’t seem to notice it. He feels nervous going to talk to Castiel after two months of barely saying a word in class. “But he doesn’t know you were coming, so get ready for any kind of reaction.”

Dean licks his lips and nods. His hands are shaking a little and his breath feels heavy, but he raises his chin a little. He’s ready. “Let’s go.”

Ash opens the door to the backyard and Dean stiffs a bit. Castiel is laying on the grass with his eyes closed, his arms behind his head as a pillow. Charlie takes place by his side, sitting with both of her hands behind her as a support. Chuck is the only one standing and he smiles at Ash when the Harvelle appears at the door.

No one seems to notice Dean is there, especially because he forgot how to speak, until Chuck says the fatal words. “You’re Dean Winchester, aren’t you?” he asks, his smile still on his lips.

Castiel’s eyes flare open at the same moment and in seconds he’s standing up and staring at Dean with his stupidly wide eyes. The blonde is paralyzed by them, as if Castiel has the especial power of making Dean do whatever he wants whenever he wants it. The problem? He _does_ have that power. He simply doesn’t know that yet.

“What are you doing here?” the Novak’s words are confused, but Dean can hear the surprising anger behind them.

“Two months you haven’t talked to me and those are the first words you decide to say?”

Okay, perhaps Dean should’ve been more subtle, but he can’t keep his big mouth shut. He never could and he’s not starting now. “You invited him?” Castiel is talking to Ash, but his eyes are still focused on Dean.

Ash clears his throat lightly. “Yes, I did. You two need to talk. He doesn’t even know, Castiel.”

Dean turns his head in Ash’s direction, but his eyes are also focused on Castiel. “Know what?”

“It’s none of your business.” The anger is becoming more audible, but Dean is not even a bit afraid of it.

If only, he’s becoming angry himself. “Guys, guys, let’s stop this testosterone fight and go back inside, shall we? Let’s play a game! How about truth or dare?” It’s Charlie’s voice and Dean can see her standing up with the corner of his eyes. She puts herself in the middle of them. Dean will _never_ admit, but he’s mad at her for breaking their staring contest.

“Truth or dare sounds nice,” Chuck says and Ash agrees with a small nod. They head inside, Dean waiting for Castiel to go before following him.

So truth or dare it is. Ash gets a bottle and they sit in a circle in front of the fireplace. The house owner is the first to turn the object. It ends up that Charlie has to ask Dean a question. “Truth,” the Winchester says before she can ask.

Charlie narrows her eyes a little and Dean’s sure. He’s screwed. “Do you love Anna?”

Both Dean and Castiel straighten themselves. The blue-eyed teen glares at Charlie, although Dean can’t understand why. Biting his lips, Dean looks down before shaking his head. “I thought I did, but no.”

No one says anything for a few seconds, but Charlie is grinning. What the hell is happening here? Ash turns the bottle again and Chuck has to ask to Castiel. “Dare.” Dean can hear the challenge behind that simple word and Dean knows it’s directed to him.

“I dare you to…Drink a shot, spin around and try to kiss Charlie’s cheek.” Castiel frowns a little, but shrugs and do it anyway, being way more successful than Dean expected him to. He only stumbled a little after spinning and the kiss ended up being placed at the corner of her mouth instead of on her cheek.

Dean can’t say it for sure, but he thinks it was on purpose. A few turns later and a lot of shots, it’s Ash’s turn to ask Dean. The Winchester is feeling a lot more lose and he asks for a dare. The look on the Harvelle’s face tells Dean that he was just waiting for that chance. “I dare you to kiss Castiel.”

Now _that_ is something Dean wasn’t expecting. He mumbles something like a ‘But…He…I…Us…’ and Castiel rolls his eyes, crossing his arms against his chest. Dean doesn’t know if he’s outraged because of the dare or if he’s outraged because Dean is hesitating on kissing him. “Stop being a girl about it, it’s just a fucking kiss,” Castiel says and holds Dean’s chin, pulling him closer and sealing their lips together.

The Winchester swears to God that he was going to break the kiss. But his hand had a different idea and, instead of pushing Castiel away like he intended to do at first, he cupped his cheek and leaned in closer. Castiel’s fingers on his chin tighten and the kiss becomes a little stronger.

Even though it’s just a press of their lips, Dean can feel it. He can feel the fireworks he thought he’d feel when he kissed Angel – Anna – for the first time. _That_ is what Dean has been waiting to feel ever since he gave his first kiss four years ago when he was thirteen. _That_ is the kiss Dean will never forget about, no matter who kiss him after that.

By the lack of interruption, Dean thinks this kiss was somehow planned. Well, at least that’s what the minimum part of his brain that is still able to work thinks. The rest is pretty much concentrated on the slow and strong move of Castiel’s lips against Dean’s.

But no matter how good it feels, Castiel draws back. He’s panting a little and running the back of his hand on his mouth, licking his lips just after and driving Dean crazy because the action makes them dry and wet once more. The green-eyed teen doesn’t know exactly how he looks, since his eyes are still focused on those stubborn lips.

Holy fuck, Dean wants to kiss him again. He wants to kiss him for the rest of his fucking _life_. Castiel, though, seems to have a different idea, if the way his eyes look completely uninterested is something to go by. “Who’s next?” he asks, looking around and clearly avoiding the Winchester’s eyes.

“Ahn…Dean. Because _you_ kissed _him_ and I was perfectly clear that _he_ was supposed to kiss _you_ ,” Ash says, his voice a bit low.

Really? He was bringing _that_ up? Not that Dean has any objection against kissing Castiel again – actually that’s exactly what he wants to do right now –, but the Novak doesn’t seem much for the idea. “We kissed. It’s enough.” Castiel’s voice leaves no question to the matter and Dean is surprised that he feels a bit sad with that.

Come on, it was his first kiss with Castiel and it will also be the last? That’s so unfair that someone should dare him to drink the whole bottle of tequila so he would forget about it. The idea seems pretty nice and when Dean sees himself again, he’s drinking the second shot in a roll as Charlie dares Chuck to make out with Ash in front them all. They all know very well that Chuck is a shy guy who doesn’t like to kiss in public, but he shrugs – probably under the awesome effect of alcohol – and pulls Ash closer, making Dean’s eyes flare directly to Castiel, only to see the teen staring right back at him.

Goddammit, how is he supposed to resist that? He’s not. He can’t be. It’s too much. But hey, dating the guy’s sister, can’t kiss him again just because he feels like it. Even if the kiss would be completely amazing, and even if he didn’t even got to taste him because they didn’t have time to open their mouths before certain blue-eyed guy was pulling back.

And that, good sirs and madams, is a thought that is going to hunt Dean for the rest of his life. But of course, who cares about that, right? It’s not because Castiel is nearly fucking Dean with his eyes that he wants to go for the real fucking.

Or maybe he does. Dean doesn’t know and he’s _not_ going to think about that, because he’s still dating Anna, no matter that he’s in love with her twin brother. Who just kissed him. Nope, that doesn’t matter. Not even a bit.

After a few more shots and turns, Dean gets to ask Castiel and the boy asks for truth. The blonde has no idea of what to ask, he never thought he’d have a chance to know anything he wants about Castiel. There are so many things wandering around his head…Perhaps he could ask if Castiel is really bi? Or why he’s been being a slut lately. He can’t decide, until he remembers that the Novak is in his English class. Well, it’s a stupid question, but Dean wants to know anyway. “What was your nickname for Ms. Gale’s letters assignment?”

Castiel’s breath seems to catch on his throat and he opens his mouth a few times, but no word comes out. Dean raises his eyebrows as the other bites his lower lip and suck on it. “I can’t tell you,” he says finally after everybody has been looking at him expectantly for a moment or two.

“Of course you can.” Dean’s more than a little bit confused. “Actually, you _have_ to. It’s the game.”

The black-haired shakes his head. “No, I won’t answer that. Ask me something else.”

Is it just Dean or was that completely unexpected? By the looks on the others’ faces, it is just Dean. They only roll their eyes or sigh, as if they _wanted_ Castiel to tell Dean his nickname. What the hell? “You can’t do that, it’s against the rules.”

“I’ll pay the price, then.” They had decided that, if someone doesn’t want to tell or do something, they’d have to take four shots in a roll, lick salt from their hand and suck on a lemon. Castiel does all of that without much difficult, only frowning at the last task. “You still have one question to go.”

Back to score one. Dean thinks again as he drums his fingers on the floor. He has a lot of questions now, but he’d only get Castiel drunker than he already is, because no way that he’d agree on answering them. “Okay…,” he starts, looking down for a moment to think. “Have you ever drawn me?”

One week after they started talking, Dean found out Castiel simply _loves_ to draw. He draws anytime he can and usually the people he cares about, but, a few days before he kissed Anna, Dean also found out Castiel had been drawing one person a lot more often than the others, although he never told Dean who that person was. “Yes.”

His eyes are trying to find Dean’s when the Winchester raises his head. He sustains the stare and before they know it, they’re once again eye-fucking each other. It’s pretty damn hot, but Dean would like it a lot more if the ‘eye’ part vanished, even if for only a night. Perhaps he should drink some more shots to see if he grows the balls to try a move.

“That was not awkward at all,” Ash cuts them, spinning the bottle after shivering and throwing both Dean and Castiel some weird looks. Dean asks Charlie something about a new girlfriend who has the nickname of ‘fairy’ among the cheerleaders because she likes to spin a lot or something and Charlie confirms that they have been to a few dates and perhaps will get more serious.

More questions, dares and craps go by as Dean gets himself drunker. Nothing that makes him unable to think or stand up, only some alcohol to help him loosen up a little. And then it’s Castiel’s turn to ask him. The Winchester has no idea what will get him more screwed, but he’s pretty sure the blue-eyed would make him drink ketchup or something, so he goes with truth.

Castiel stares at him for a long moment before he asks his question. “Why are you dating my sister?”

Wow. Good question. “I fell in love with her because of the letters she wrote me as Angel Blade for English class, but I guess I was wrong about what I actually felt.”

Everybody turns their heads to him sharply and Castiel shakes his head, disappointment clear as the sun light on his eyes. It’s Chuck’s voice that stands out, though. “Wait, are you breaking up with her?”

Awesome, now he has to answer that question in front of the guy he’s in love with. Because that’s everything Dean wants to do right now. “It’s been two months and I don’t feel anything when I’m with her, so, yeah, I am.”

The Novak’s disappointment grows bigger and Dean almost takes it back. But it’s not his fucking fault if he’s in love with the other twin! Anna was supposed to be Angel in person as well, not only while writing. It’s not like Dean said ‘Hey, let’s date her for a few months only so I can break her heart!’ That’s not what happened and he won’t be judged by that, even if he’s wrong.

But the eyes aren’t focused on him anymore. Actually, everybody is staring at Castiel, even more expectantly than before. Seriously, what the fuck? “Castiel?” Charlie is the one who raises her voice first. Blue eyes turn to her almost instantaneously and Dean’s pretty sure Castiel was looking for an excuse to move his eyes away from him. “Why don’t you tell Dean that thing you told us about two weeks ago?”

What thing he told them about two weeks ago? Dean tries to meet Castiel’s eyes again, but he’s stubbornly avoiding him at all costs. “That’s not the moment and neither the place for that.” His voice is low, but it’s not dangerous as before. Actually, it sounds sad.

“Hey, I’m your friend too; I think I have the right to know whatever that is.” Dean doesn’t want to push him, but he’s afraid of what Castiel told them. He’s afraid because he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to do something to help him if that’s what this thing requires.

Almost unconsciously, Dean reaches for him, his hand resting lightly on his shoulder. Castiel looks at it, his eyes narrowed and his mouth curving in a frown. Is he…Is he about to cry? “Castiel?” Dean’s voice is softer now, the worry filling it up quickly, even without the green-eyed teen’s consent. Castiel shakes his head and stands up.

He leaves the room quickly and Dean’s about to follow him, but Chuck puts a hand on his arm. That’s all it takes for Dean to understand that _he_ is the reason why Castiel is almost crying. And that’s also one more reason for him to follow the teen, but Charlie stops him. “He needs some time, Dean. I’ll go.”

With no more words, she leaves as well, being closely followed by Chuck. Dean’s staring at towards where they went and he has no fucking idea what just happened. “Okay, talk to me,” he asks, turning his eyes to Ash.

The Harvelle licks his lips and meets Dean’s gaze. “Castiel is a complicated person, Dean,” the house’s owner starts slowly. “He never had a lot of real friends before, and I can tell you that because I’ve been studying with him since he was out of his diapers. We’ve been on the road together for what? Eleven years, maybe more? I’m not even sure anymore. But he has a lot of difficulty dealing with new people. I guess you noticed that.”

Dean nods, remembering the first time he talked to Castiel and Ash sighs before continuing. “Well, the thing is that, once he gets attached to someone, he can’t let go. And he was attached to you.”

Ahn…What? Dean doesn’t have time to ask. Ash rolls his eyes and that’s enough to shut him up and make him keep listening. “You were best friends, Dean. But you drifted after you started dating his twin sister.”

“But I didn’t want that!” Dean makes sure to make that clear, but Ash only raises his eyebrows.

What? He didn’t want to drift apart from Castiel. That’s so clear to him that he thought it was written on his forehead. “Let me finish. For whatever reason it was, you _did_ drift apart. So Castiel found himself new ways to let go, because his ego is way too big for him to simply go and talk to you about it. Stupid decision, if you want to know what I think.” Ash twitches his nose. “Anyway, he started to drink and meet girls and guys more often. So yeah, now what you have is kind of a broken guy.”

“And you’re saying all of that is _my_ fault?” He better not be, because the anger boiling in Dean’s chest is definitely not going to be easily contained if that’s what he’s talking about.

Ash, though, makes a ‘tsk’ sound and runs a hand through his hair. “You’re not getting it, Dean. You may be the reason why he started to drink and have a _very_ active sex life, but you’re also the only one who can stop him.”

So he _is_ saying this is all Dean’s fault. But what in the hell did he _do_? He didn’t ask for Castiel to be a slut! That’s the last thing he’d ever do. Why is Ash putting all of the blame on his shoulders? For God’s sake, can’t anybody see that he’s in love with the guy? “Look Ash,” he says while massaging his temples, trying to calm himself down. “I get it, okay? I get that Castiel is a difficult person. I’ve known that ever since I first looked at him, but he wouldn’t even look at me before today, so how can I do anything to help him? I want to, believe me, there’s nothing more that I want to do than knocking some sense into that stupid head of his, but he won’t listen to me. We drifted because I started dating his sister, but I don’t know _why_. He had no reason to do it and I tried talking to him. God knows I did. And he also knows that I miss that jerk. Hell, even Castiel knows I miss him, but he won’t talk to me. So tell me, what can I do?”

The Winchester teen is very much aware that he’s nearly pleading for Ash’s help, but…This is Castiel. Dean’s own image on the mirror has been different – disgusting, if he might say that – after they stopped talking. He can’t recognize himself and he only wants Castiel _back_. No matter if as his friend, his colleague, the damn guy who sits next to him in English class, he just wants him _back_.

Because Dean’s not Dean without Castiel. Not anymore anyway. He doesn’t even know how he fell in love with Angel while Castiel was _right there_.

But that’s a lie. He does know very well why. Dean knows that he fell in love with Angel because he thought Castiel was straight and he’d never have a chance with him. And guess what? He _will_ never have a chance with him, because Castiel fucking hates him now and Dean doesn’t even know why.

He just wants to know _why_.

“I should go home.” His voice sounds small, broken, like a child’s.

Ash seems like he will protest, but he shuts his mouth and nods, showing the way back to the door. “Just tell him to call me after he’s better, okay?” Dean asks before entering his car. The other murmurs a little ‘Yeah, yeah’ and heads back inside as the Winchester drives off.

Dean doesn’t go home right away. He doesn’t want to get there with his mind so full. He knows that good part of what he’s feeling right now is because of the alcohol, but who said that fact has any importance at that moment? If anything, it makes him want to drink even more. The teen has never been good with dealing with his problems and he’s sure that he isn’t starting right now.

So he drives. He drives until his eyes are almost closing with sleep and only then he goes back home. Nobody seems to be awake when he enters the place; he wouldn’t be able to explain how glad he is for that fact.

Wanting to keep things that way, he walks quietly back to his room and closes his door, throwing himself on the bed. To be honest with himself, he wants to scream. He wants to scream loudly so everybody will hear him. But he doesn’t do that. Mainly because he’s too sleepy to do it, but also because he has to find some way to keep his nerves under control.

Before he even gets time to remember sleeping, Dean’s dreaming. He has no idea of where he is, but the whole place seems familiar and the teen recognizes a drawing he saw on Castiel’s notebook once. It’s on an outdoor a little far from where he’s standing, but it’s also big and he can see it clearly. The center has a small diamond shape, different colors along it, resulting in different tones, and each tone has another diamond shape drawn along the paper. He remembers Castiel telling him that every shape meant a person he met on his first day at school, but he refused to say which one is Dean, because he also said the colors had meanings.

They talked about it three days before that party where Dean found out Castiel was straight. Well, at least that’s what he thought by then. And just like that, the Winchester realizes he’s inside one of Castiel’s drawings. It’s a rainy street, a lot less blurry than in the original drawing, the reason why Dean took so long to realize where he is.

There are no cars, only the street, a small park to the left, and some buildings to the right. Looks like a city, but Dean can’t see the end of it if he looks forward. To his back, there’s only more rain. He thinks about trying to find some cover, but the rain feels good on his skin, as if it’s washing away his worries and fears.

His moment of peace doesn’t last long, though. When Dean looks towards the park again, there’s someone hiding behind one of the trees. Narrowing his eyes, he tries to recognize the person unsuccessfully. Until that same person starts walking towards him. His shape is hidden on the rain, but those scared eyes are impossible to forget.

Castiel approaches with unsteady steps, as if Dean could hurt him. The Winchester, though, only waits for him, still in the middle of the street. He’s not afraid that a car could run him, because since he was kid that he can tell when he’s dreaming. And usually he can control it, if the dream’s not about Castiel.

That stupid head has a strange way of getting a reaction out of Dean. He doesn’t have to do much, only look at the blonde and Dean’s already begging silently to be claimed. It’s an awkward feeling – maybe even stupid – but it’s also a good one. The teen never had someone who would call him his or hers and he would love to see, hear, _feel_ Castiel owning him.

With one step, Dean’s already in front of him, brushing his fingertips along Castiel’s arm. His t-shirt is soaked up and so is his hair, but he doesn’t seem to care about that. Instead, he only runs his fingers through Dean’s sand-colored locks, also not caring that they’re even more soaked than his own.  His eyes move along with his fingers, watching carefully as he gently tips Dean’s head back.

The Winchester sighs. It’s an awesome feeling that makes him want to dive inside Castiel and forget all of the rest, exactly like it happens whenever they touch, no matter if it’s in a dream or live. Not that they have actually _touched_ while awaken, but Dean remembers well every single time Castiel’s fingers brushed against his skin by accident, or when his leg rested against Dean’s while they sat closely.

He misses that. He misses all of those small things that used to build his…Friendship, relationship, whatever you want to call it, with Castiel. Things that Castiel is probably not even aware of doing. “Please come back.” Dean repeats the request from his last dream and gets the same answer, a shake of dream-Castiel’s head.

Once more the blue-eyed runs his fingers through Dean’s hair and the blonde closes his eyes. When he opens them again, Castiel is gone. Dean doesn’t remember having any more dreams after that, only waking up the next morning with a letter close to his door. He hurries to stand up and gets it, hoping it’s Anna’s answer, but he’s not that lucky. It’s the same letter, once again with the words ‘ **Return to Sender** ’ written on the front.

“Fuck!” he nearly shouts. Sam is already inside his room before he even finishes the word, a kind of worried and sad expression painting his face.

It vanishes, though, when he sees the letter on Dean’s hand, being replaced by a strong sigh and a shake of his head. “You sent the same letter, even after I told you to write another one.”

Dean’s definitely not in the mood for that. Not after that party and that dream. “Yes, Sam, I did, because I have to talk to Anna, even if she’s not Angel, as you said.”

“Call her,” comes the answer right away.

Frowning, Dean throws the letter against the door. “Why would I do that?” he asks a little louder than he wanted. Sam doesn’t show much of a reaction besides sitting on Dean’s bed. “Huh? Why would I call her? To tell her that I’m not in love with her as I’ve been saying for the past two months? I can’t do that Sammy.”

The younger brother doesn’t hesitate on answering. “You’ll break up with her anyway.”

“And why is that?” Dean’s nose is twitching a little, as it does when he’s mad at or unpleased with something.

“Because she’s not who you think she is and Angel will tell you who he or she is sooner than you expect.”

Why is everybody trying to keep things away from Dean? It looks like it’s all a plot to make him curious about a big plan that will be set against him. “If she’s not Angel, why does she giggle when I call her that?” the blonde snaps.

Sam only shrugs. “She’s a girl; it’s common for guys to call girls Angel. Did she ever call you Hunter?”

“Y—” Dean stops himself. “No.” He frowns again, this time trying to think more clearly. “Sammy, what are you saying?”

He pats Dean’s shoulder as he stands up and leaves the room. “You’ll see.”

Not giving his brain much more time to work on his brother’s words, Dean stands up and decides to deliver the letter to Anna himself.

Before leaving, he looks at his image on the mirror and nods at it. That’s the right thing to do. She has to know the truth. So he gets his jacket – that he took off sometime in the middle of the night – and heads to the car. He’s happy that John doesn’t care much if he takes the Impala, as long as he promises it will be safe and sound back home before two a.m.

When he stops at the Novaks’ front porch, Dean’s heart beats a little faster, because Castiel also lives here, and the last thing he wants right now is to have a fight with him. Anna answers the door after a few knocks and tries to kiss Dean, but he stops her by holding her waist. She frowns, confused. “Can we talk for a sec?” the green-eyed asks, scratching the back of his neck.

She confirms and they sit on the porch’s stairs. “I wrote you something, but I don’t think I was writing to you,” he starts and he really thinks about stopping right now. Dean doesn’t want to hurt her feelings, but he can’t continue to kiss and touch her wanting to kiss and touch her twin brother. “Look, Anna, I fell in love with someone. And I thought that someone was you, but apparently it’s not. You see, I fell in love with Angel, but you’re not Angel. You’re Anna and although you’re an awesome girl, pretty, funny, I can’t go on with this.”

Anna looks even more confused now, but there’s a little sign of understanding settling on the spark of her eyes. “You’re breaking up with me.” It’s not a question, but Dean nods anyway.

The next few minutes are spent with Anna trying to hold back her tears unsuccessfully and Dean apologizing a thousand times. She doesn’t seem mad, though, only a bit sad, especially after reading the letter he wrote her. A few minutes later, Anna rereads it and frowns at the paper. "What do you mean with ‘I don’t seem to like you as much as I do on your letters’?”

Dean licks his lips. How will he explain that? “You seemed like a different person when you wrote those letters to me and that’s the person I fell in love with.”

“I never wrote you a letter, Dean.”

Well, that explains a lot. “What?”

Sniffing, the Novak girl raises her eyebrows. “I thought you were just a romantic guy who liked to write letters to your girlfriends, but I never wrote you a reply.”

Trying to make his brain work again, Dean shakes his head. “You’re not Angel Blade?” he asks with a confused tone.

“Angel…?” Anna’s eyes widen and she puts her hands on her mouth. “Oh my God.”

“What? What happened?” Dean tries not to look as confused as he feels, but something tells him that he’s failing miserably.

With a quick movement, Anna is back inside. Dean tries calling for her, but she doesn’t answer him. Okay, that’s definitely it, the world _is_ working on a plot against Dean. As he waits a moment to see if Anna will come back, he asks himself how Angel managed to trick him. Perhaps he/she changed the address so he wouldn’t have the brilliantly stupid idea of following him/her.

So Sam was right. Anna is not Angel. But Sam knows who he/she is. And Dean needs to know it like _now_. He waits a few more minutes, and when he’s sure Anna’s staying inside, Dean walks to the Impala and drives back home. He runs to Sam’s room and keeps knocking at the door until it opens. “Talk. Now. Who’s Angel?”

Instead of answering like a good brother, Sam rolls his eyes and tries to close the door on Dean’s face, but the blonde stops it by throwing himself inside. Sam sighs and crosses his arms against his chest. “He made me promise not to tell you.”

“So it’s a guy,” Dean assumes and Sam takes too long to say he’s wrong.

Okay, so Angel’s a guy. “Yeah, fine, he’s a guy, big deal.”

“It is to me,” the older whispers more to himself, but Sam’s shift tells him that he heard it. “What else can you tell me?” Dean asks eagerly.

After sitting on the bed, Sam starts to shake his leg like he does when he’s nervous. “He knows who you are.”

Dean stops. He turns his head slowly towards Sam. “For how long?”

“Two months,” Sam says in such a low tone that Dean has to lean closer to hear him.

He’s gotta be kidding him. Sam. Has got. To. Be. Kidding. Him. “You’re joking.”

But the son of a bitch shakes his head. “I’m sorry Dean, but he made me promise that I wouldn’t tell you.”

The blonde teen runs a hand on his face. “How long do you know who he is, Sam?”

Sam looks down, fidgeting with his fingers. “I found out a week after you two started writing to each other.”

Great. And he didn’t tell Dean. He allowed his brother to date Anna, thinking he was in love with her when he was actually in love with somebody else completely. “Who is he, Sam?”

“I can’t tell you,” he repeats as if it is enough.

Taking a lot of deep breaths to steady himself, Dean tries to think for a moment. If Anna isn’t Angel and Angel is a guy, then who can Angel be? He thinks about all of the guys in his English class. Gordon, Alastair, Chuck, Aaron, Tyler, Castiel and Adam. Sam said Castiel isn’t the guy, but he also _didn’t_ say Anna wasn’t, so he could have been lying. But Dean knows best. Castiel wouldn’t be Angel. So let’s see.

Gordon and Alastair shouldn’t even be considered options. Aaron is a nice guy, but he wouldn’t write like Angel does. Tyler? He’s a guess and also is Adam. They are both a little shy, although Adam has shown a very strong personality during practice. Yes, he’s one of Dean’s teammates, and a nice guy. He could easily be Angel.

Dean leaves Sam’s room short after getting to that conclusion, because Jessica, Sam’s girlfriend, has called him. The Winchester decides to take a look at both Adam’s and Tyler’s calligraphy tomorrow and finally – _finally_ – find out who Angel really is.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are finally working out and Dean couldn't be more surprised when he sees a piece of paper on his locker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it, guys, I'll be uploading a new chapter every Saturday from now on. Chapter unbeta'd because I wanted to post as soon as possible. I'm sorry if this one isn't as good as the others, I was kind of in a rush to get to the fun part XD Anyway, I hope you all like it!

And another month goes by. Castiel still won’t look at Dean and he refuses talking to him for more than lending him an eraser or a pencil when the Winchester forgets him – purposefully – at his locker.

Of course, their lack of talking doesn’t stop Dean from dreaming about Castiel almost every night. He feels like a twelve-year-old girl who has her first crush on a famous actor, but he simply can’t help it, because there’s no way to go back now, he’s even more in love with Castiel than he was last month.

That also hasn’t stopped Castiel to continue being a slut. He’s been sleeping with even more people, but some are becoming more frequent. The one guy Dean’s seen him with a lot is Balthazar. They constantly sneak out of classes or lunch. At least twice a week Dean has to avoid using the hallway bathroom at free times. He has been growing a jealous hate for the English guy.

As for Angel, Dean’s sure Tyler isn’t his guy, but he’s not certain about Adam yet. He won’t try a move this time before being _absolutely_ sure. Sam isn’t of much help. The younger Winchester gives Dean some updates about Angel, but nothing too big, only what he’ll be doing for the weekend or so.

Not only once Dean thought of forgetting about Angel. He can’t hide anymore that he’s crazy about Castiel, so why continuing to chase a guy who doesn’t even write to him anymore? They have talked for a month only, there’s no reason why he should keep looking.

Still, Dean has always been curious. He knows he won’t stop until he knows Angel’s true identity, even if they won’t have anything.

The green-eyed teen is currently walking towards his locker after his practice. There’s barely a soul inside the school and he can walk as calmly as he wants to. His feet wouldn’t move faster even if he blackmailed them with a hot shower.

But all of that vanishes once his eyes spot his locker. There’s a paper on it and Dean would recognize that calligraphy a mile away. He runs to the place as fast as he can. It’s been three months that Angel hasn’t given him a life sign and Dean unfolds the paper nearly desperately.

He wasn’t expecting to be so rushed to hear from Angel again, but, if Dean’s to be honest with himself, he truly missed him. Writing letters to him had become a small piece of his life and it was painful to live without it. Not standing a second more of waiting, he reads the letter.

_Dear Dean,_

_I know it has been a while that I have not written you an answer-letter, but today I found myself thinking about you again, even after all this time._

_Although it is not easy, I have to admit that it has not been a day that my thoughts have not run to you at least once. Often, Sam has talked to me about you, especially after your breaking up with Anna._

_I still ask myself why I allowed you to think she was me._

_Truly, I think I was afraid._

_As I told you from the beginning, my ‘people skills’ are ‘rusty’ and I never thought you would be with someone like me._

_I still think you will not._

_That is, probably, the main reason why I have not told you who I am yet, even though Sam says I should have told you when I found out who you are. But how could I? That day was the same day when you started dating Anna and you seemed so happy…I could not ruin your happiness only so I could be happy myself._

_I was right, you know? You truly are him. You are the guy with whom I have been in love since the first time I saw you on the hallway. From that moment, my whole life changed._

_This is cliché, I know. I am probably talking as a girl from a Nicholas Sparks’ novel, but I cannot bring myself to care right now. I will, though, once you get that letter, because I am one hundred percent sure you will laugh at me._

_But I have to go on. I have to keep on writing; I have not told you everything yet. There is still too much you have to know._

_Two paragraphs before I told you my life changed the moment I saw you. That is the truth, but not the entire one. Not only meeting you has changed me; you have done it yourself as well._

_At first I was just another guy at the school, scared, frightened, afraid of my own shadow. I can recall walking down the hallway almost trembling because I thought someone would hit me._

_You changed that. In the beginning for good, but then you and Anna became a couple and I…I lost myself. I do not know who I am anymore, Dean. When I look in the mirror, I see a person who I would hate a few months ago. I want to be myself again._

_The only reason why I am writing this letter is because Sam convinced me. He said it would be better if I told you everything instead of keeping it to myself. Your brother is the only one who can see behind the shell I have been hiding in. He is smart and a terrific friend. When we talk about you, I can see the devotion inside his eyes and it is one of the most beautiful and pure sights. It is the sight of family love. It amazes me every single time._

_Yet, that is not what I am writing to talk about._

_I do not know if you still want to hear about me, or if you forgot about the short month we wrote to each other. Sometimes I am glad that Ms. Gale cancelled the assignment because I do not feel like writing to you, but some other times I catch myself nearly begging for her to bring it back because I miss you._

_I miss you, Dean._

_You may think I have not read your last letters, but I have. Before handling them to Anna, I read each and every one of them. More than once, even. I should be embarrassed for telling you that, but I am not. After all, they were written to me originally, right?_

_She showed me yesterday the letter you gave to her last month. Anna had no idea you thought she was me. But she is not mad as I thought she would be. Do not worry, she is also not sad; not anymore, at least. For what she told me, Aaron has invited her to a date last week and she finally decided to say yes. I hope they get along together._

_Again, I am avoiding my main purpose. It is hard to talk about feelings, even if I am writing instead of actually talking. If that even makes sense._

_I know I am forgetting to tell you something, but I cannot remember what. Perhaps I should wait a while and come back to finish later. Still, I do not think I will have time. I am on lunch break, hiding in the library so no one will bother me while I write._

_As you well know – or knew – I like to write alone, and, although it has been a long time since I last came to the library, it feels good to be in here again. I almost feel like myself._

_Probably you do not remember that, but when we were still writing to each other, you asked me if I would write anything about you and at the time I said it was too soon._

_I lied._

_I had already written about your eyes more than once. I just did not know it was you back then. Also, I wrote about you as Hunter once. It was three days before my final letter and you looked so different…Hopeful. I am not sure if you will want to read it, but I wrote it here anyway._

_‘Hope. One word. One World._

_Green. Spark. Hope._

_One soul. One feeling._

_You. Me? Us._

_Hope._

_Hope._

_Hope…’_

_That was the first time I realized I was in love with Hunter as well. You can only imagine my surprise when I found out you two were the same person. I thought I would be happy. I was not, because of the way I found out._

_The first time you called her by_ my _name…I should not have felt the anger I did. It was wrong. It still is. But who said I can stop myself? God knows I have tried. Only I know the nights I spent awaken thinking about you._

_I wish there was some way I could simply forget about the last four months. Forget about all the words you wrote and said to me. Perhaps I could, if I really tried. But I am not sure if I really want that. Forgetting about those things would mean forgetting about you and that is certainly something I do not want to do._

_Sam said I am being stubborn keeping myself hidden behind a nickname after four months already. I think he is right, and I want more than anything to see you again. To hear your voice._

_But then again life is not that easy and it will not start being only because I have been stupid enough to handle you – Dean Winchester, the great womanizer and best football player in the whole school – something that was once worth breaking._

_And you broke it. It does not matter that I had a great amount of the blame. It does not matter that you did not know you were doing it. You still did it and it still hurts._

_My friends are saying I should simply talk to you and set the cards on the table. I am still not certain about that. Because, tell me, Dean, what good could come out of it?_

_Anna said you are in love with me. I do not think so. She argued saying you told her that when you broke up, but I think you were only trying not to break her heart. You did a good job with her, by the way._

_I think this is what I had to tell you. I do not know if you will be writing to me and I also do not know if you should. Perhaps I should just try and forget you?_

_I will decide to do that if you do not reply me. And if you do…Well, I do not know what I will do then._

_One last thing. Sam said you talk when you sleep. He said he entered your room to look for a book or something and he heard you talking about me. It was not the first time either, according to him._

_He did not hear much, only my name and one silent request. Sam said you asked me to come back to you. I now ask you the same._

_Come back to me, Dean._

_Yours,_

_Angel._

Dean doesn’t know what to do. His hands are shaking and his eyes burn, although he doesn’t feel the sting of tears in them. Does he want to go back to Angel? Hell, yes! Of course he does! He wants Angel back just as much as he wants to breathe right now. The green-eyed teen misses the sharp pain on his hand when he finishes writing an answer-letter. He wants to wake up early only to get the reply as soon as possible. Fuck, he even wants to chase the postman again!

With these thoughts in mind, Dean opens his locker and gets a pen and a sheet of paper. He’ll write back to him before he can change his mind. Because Dean doesn’t want to go back. He still wants to know who Angel is, and if he is in love with him…Things will change.

It’s more than obvious that Dean won’t forget about Castiel. The phantom of that kiss still makes his lips tingle and he’s desperate to feel it again, but Angel is also a part of him. God, he had forgotten how hard it is to be in love with two people at the same time.

But now he knows that at least one of them is also in love with him. Biting his lips, the Winchester runs to the library and sits at a table placed on the corner, away from the entrance and the curious glances that may pass by. The librarian is reading a magazine and chewing a gun so Dean’s pretty much sure that she won’t be a bother.

Taking a deep breath, Dean starts to write his first answer-letter in three months.

_Dear Angel,_

_For three months I’ve been waiting that damn answer-letter. You know how many times I thought you’d never write to me again? I nearly stopped writing to you as well, but I remembered that on the last letter before I started dating Anna, I promised I wouldn’t stop writing to you, even if you did._

_As you can see, I’m a man of my word, so, if I say that I’ll kick your ass because you took so long to reply or because you think I wouldn’t be with you, you better believe me, you hear me? Or read me…Anyway._

_Don’t you ever dare saying that to anybody else, but I kind of like some of Nicholas’ novels. ‘Dear John’ is just sad and beautiful. Sam cried when John’s father died. I didn’t, no matter what he tells you._

_FYI, I’d never laugh at you, unless you fell down or purposefully made me laugh at something funny you said._

_What you’re saying now, though, is not funny at all._

_I miss you too._

_Both Anna and Sam are telling the truth, I_ am _in love with you. But I started something after breaking up with Anna. I promised that I’d stop hiding things from people, so I won’t do it with you as well._

_Although I am in love with you, I’m also in love with a stupid head. He couldn’t care less about me, though. Guy lends me an eraser and says I can keep it only so I won’t talk to him again._

_That’s kind of unfair, you know? We kissed a month ago, one day before I broke up with Anna, and then he simply stopped talking to me._

_But I should stop talking about him. I’ll only tell you that he’s the same stupid head I told you about when we were still writing to each other. Seems like he’s grown stupider, if that’s even possible._

_Angel, the thing you wrote about me is just…Wow. But hope? What’s that about? From what I could tell it’s as if you can only hope I’d be with you. Haven’t I told you before to stop selling yourself so short? I think I said that on the second letter I wrote you, basically when I fell in love with you._

_I know what you mean about ‘talking’ about feelings, though. God, I feel like a ten-year-old Justin Bieber fan. This must sound ridiculous._

_Moving on, I can only say I’m sorry for breaking your heart. If you’d allow me to meet you, I could fix it. I know I can do it; I only need to know who you are. It’s been four months, please, tell me who you are. This suspense is_ killing _me. Please?_

_I don’t know what good_ can’t _come out from you setting the cards. I want to meet you, you want to meet me…Why don’t we simply do this already? I           want to see you; to know who you are , how you look like. It’s not fair that you get to know who I am and I don’t get to know who you are, don’t you think?_

_Don’t forget me. I will go back to you once you come back to me. And I think the best way to do it is if we meet. It can’t be that bad, right? I mean, you’re in love with me, I’m in love with you…Things tend to go right after that._

_I’ll wait for your answer._

_Love,_

_Dean._

Licking his lips, Dean stands up. He’s leaving the library when Sam meets him. Well, he thought about mailing the letter to Angel, but he supposes his little brother can do the job pretty well too. “Hey Sammy, can you give that to Angel?” he asks handling him the letter.

“He wrote to you?!” the younger Winchester asks with wide eyes.

Chuckling, Dean nods. “Yeah, he did. Just found his answer-letter in my locker and came here to write the reply. Can you give him that?”

Sam nods and hesitates before talking again. “Can I read them?”

Stupid little brothers. “Yeah, why not?”

If it weren’t for Sam Angel never would’ve written him, so maybe Dean owns that to the tall guy he still calls ‘little’. They’re already halfway home, listening to The Beatles’ ‘Hey Jude’ when Sam finishes both letters. He looks to the road before frowning at Dean. “You’re a jerk, you know that?”

Dean frowns back at him. “Well you’re a bitch, but can I ask the reason of the sudden demonstration of affection?” He raises his eyebrows.

The younger one rolls his eyes. “You’ll see why. I think Angel will want to meet you and then you’ll understand everything you’re not smart enough to figure out by your own.”

Did he just call him stupid? Dean doesn’t answer to that. It’s not until dinner time that they speak again, Sam being the first to say something. “I talked to Angel,” he says as if he’s saying that it’s sunny outside.

Almost spitting his food, Dean puts his hand on his mouth, trying to ignore his parents’ curious glances. “What did he say?”

Okay, Dean’s voice was _definitely not_ supposed to sound that eager. Sam’s about to answer, but their mother stops him. “Who’s Angel?” she asks.

Come on, mom, you can wait to ask that. “Dean’s boyfriend,” Sam replies eating a meatball.

Thank goodness Dean already told his parents that he’s bi. “He’s _not_ my boyfriend. Not yet at least.” He shrugs and eats his spaghetti, trying to pretend he doesn’t want to kick Sam’s ankle so he’ll continue to talk.

“So he will be?” John asks and Dean’s nose starts to twitch.

“If Dean stops being a jerk, yeah,” Sam says casually

Can they not? That’s becoming a lot more of a family discussion about his manners with his boyfriends and girlfriends than a conversation about whatever the hell Angel told Sam. “I’m not a jerk, now you please tell me what he said?”

Sam still takes his time finishing eating the spaghetti on his fork. Dean thinks if Sam would look nice with four small holes on his forehead. Battle scars, man, nothing better than battle scars. “He said he wants to meet you.”

And that’s Dean’s water decorating the table towel so beautifully. Mary throws him a glare and he mumbles a small ‘Sorry’ at her before turning sharply towards his brother. “When?”

His number of questions is actually a lot bigger, but his parents are at the table and it would be completely awkward if he freaked out about Angel right now. Sam shrugs. “Tomorrow, after school, at the Harvelle’s.”

Dean thinks he might have a heart attack. He’s going to meet Angel. Holy fuck. What will he wear? Is his leather jacket clean? Perhaps he should use something nicer? He’s overthinking and everybody’s looking at his thinking face. Awesome.

“Why didn’t you tell us about your boyfriend, Dean?” Mary asks when he decides to go about eating again.

Why can’t they hear him? “Angel’s not my boyfriend, mom. I don’t even know who he is.”

Mary’s eyes widen a little and she exchanged a look with John before turning back to Dean. Ah, this is gonna be great. “What do you mean you don’t even know who he is? Dean, are you having some kind of Internet distant relationship?”

Sometimes Mary’s a little paranoid. I think that was pretty clear. Dean’s opening his mouth to answer, but Sam takes the lead once more. “They write letters to each other. Have been writing for four months now,” he says and sips at his water.

“Four months, Dean?!” It’s John’s voice now.

Thanks, Sam. “Yeah dad, Ms. Gale, our English teacher, assigned us a task where we had to write letters to someone else in class at the beginning of the year, but we had no idea who we were writing to because she made us use nicknames,” Dean explains.

Of course, Sam doesn’t know how to shut up, so why would he now? “And his is ‘Batman the Hunter’.”

There’s silence for a few seconds before everybody – but Dean – is bursting into laughter. Why is it so funny? “Hey, Batman is a cool character!”

John swipes at the corner of his eyes, smiling and trying to catch his breath. “You’re right, son, but did you _really_ have to choose something as ‘Batman the Hunter’?” the man asks.

Even his parents make fun of him because of his nickname. Come on, it is cool! “Even _I_ know that Batman is a justice maker and not a Hunter, Dean,” Mary says when she finishes her glass of water.

“You know, the funny thing is that Angel said the same thing,” Sam clarifies because it’s not enough if the whole table is laughing at Dean, of course not.

Their mother frowns a little. “Angel’s the guy’s nickname?”

Sam shrugs before answering. Shouldn’t _Dean_ be the one answering that? “Angel Blade,” he explains.

“See, Dean, why didn’t you choose a nice nickname like that?” John pokes.

Gosh, this is unbelievable. Mary gives him a sympathetic look and Dean thinks she’ll finally stop that crazy moment. “Come on guys, Dean can have an imaginary boyfriend.”

You see, Dean is generally wrong about his mother.

“Angel’s not imaginary. He wrote me answer-letters, a lot.”

Sam interferes again. “He’s write mom, we all know Dean’s imagination isn’t _that_ good.”

Wow, thanks, Sam, so supportive it gives Dean the chills! “But I’ve talked to the guy more than once; he’s really nice and likes Dean a lot.” Now that’s better. He turns towards Dean. “Oh yeah, he asked me to tell you that he’ll be drinking a milkshake, that’s the only clue he allowed me to give you.”

Dean nods as he bites his lips. Even though everybody is laughing their asses off at him, he’s still nervous about meeting Angel. I mean, it’s been four months and they haven’t talked in three! What if Angel’s not what he expects him to be?

After dinner, Mary and John don’t mention Angel again and Dean is glad for that. He decides to sleep earlier, but he isn’t much successful. His mind keeps going back to Angel and all of the letters they wrote to each other. The green-eyed teen gets the box where he keeps Angel’s answer-letters and starts reading them in order.

He reads them differently this time. Now Dean knows that he’s the guy Angel was in love with for the start. The references are pretty obvious, like the green eyes and the ‘unique style’, or even his good music taste. How did Dean not recognize himself into those words? It’s like written Dean Winchester between every other line.

But Dean knows very well why he didn’t notice. He thought it was impossible. Because, really, why would someone fall in love with him? There is literally, no reason for that.  Okay, he’s good in bed, he has to give himself that much, but Angel never slept with him, so why? Dean doesn’t even know what he did to make someone fall in love with him. But he did something.

It doesn’t matter that Dean has no idea of what he did, he talked to Angel at least once, and for what he told him, they seemed to be friends. The only problem’s that Dean’s not in love with any of his friends besides Castiel. Is he?

The night goes on and most of it Dean spends thinking about Angel. What will he be like? Will they be together? Will he still be in love with him after they meet? Dean has no fucking idea and that’s worrying him a lot more than it probably should.

As still in love with Castiel, Dean thinks he might forget about one of them after meeting Angel, but he can’t figure out which one. Castiel is a slut now, but Dean knows the real guy underneath all of that womanizer crap. And Angel is the guy who had Dean hooked up after two letters. How is that even possible?

Sighing, Dean puts his clothes on and leaves for school without eating anything. He doesn’t feel hungry, probably because of how he’s nervous about their meeting. The Winchester boy decides to forget about his worries for the moment. For fuck’s sake, he’ll meet _Angel_ today!

When he arrives at school, his smile is a bit more than glowing. He greets his teammates and Benny only rolls his eyes. Looks like Sam know too many of Dean’s friend. “Good luck, brother!” the southern says when Dean pass by. The green-eyed only winks and heads to his class.

Obviously, he doesn’t pay much attention at it and his leg won’t stop shaking, until he remembers that his next class is English and he’ll have to face Castiel. Awesome.

For a moment, his smile vanishes slightly, but it’s soon back, because nothing can ruin his good mood, not today. Feeling more confident once the bell rings, he stands up and heads to Ms. Gale’s classroom, sitting on his usual chair. Castiel is already there, reading the same Batman comic book from the first day they met, his reading glasses back at their original place.

If Dean’s to be honest with himself, he’s surprised. It’s been what? Two, three months since he last saw Castiel with a comic book or his glasses? Maybe even more. But he’s happy about it, because it means that the real Castiel – the one he more often than he probably should called _his_ – is still there, somewhere.

“You haven’t looked at me this way since I started seeing Balthazar,” Castiel says suddenly and Dean jumps, because he had no idea the Novak had been watching him. Or that he was being that obvious, for that matter.

Clearing his throat, Dean tries to find an answer, but whatever he was going to say gets lost once Castiel raises his eyes from his comic book. They are still so blue…It’s almost painful to look at him after so much time.

And, of course, the first memory that comes to Dean’s stupid brain is their kiss on Ash’s house a month ago. He can still remember how it felt to have Castiel’s lips against his own and the fireworks blowing themselves inside his mind.

Realizing Castiel is still waiting for him to say something, Dean bites the inner side of his cheek. “I didn’t have a reason to look at you this way, I think,” he offers with a small shrug.

“And now you do?”

Castiel is raising his eyebrows and looking at Dean behind those glasses. Sexy bastard. “Not sure yet,” Dean confesses.

Because he isn’t. He doesn’t know what will happen after his meeting with Angel, so he doesn’t know if he has a reason to look at Castiel that way. This exact way that he’s looking at him right now. “Why are you talking to me again?” Dean asks, frowning a little.

The blue-eyed sighs and looks back at his comic book. “I don’t even know,” he says in a tone so low that Dean nearly has to lean in to hear him. It takes him a moment, but he hears the sadness behind those words.

He’s about to say something else, but Ms. Gale interrupts them by starting her class. They don’t talk anymore for the rest of the day and Dean’s not sure how to feel about that.

When the last bell rings, Dean runs to the bathroom. He digs his fingers in his hair several times, trying to make it look right and only when he’s happy with the result that he leaves the bathroom and goes to the Impala. Sam wishes him good luck with a grin before going to the library to meet Jess. She’s a nice girl, good for Sam and Dean’s happy they’re still together.

The Harvelle’s is a dining owned by Ash’s parents. That would make Dean think that Angel knows Ash, but the Harvelle’s isn’t exactly the most unknown place. Actually, most part of the school meets there after class on Fridays.

That’s the main reason why Dean’s happy it’s a Thursday. He doesn’t want to be interrupted by anyone while he talks to Angel. And he’s going to actually _talk_ to him. They are going to meet each other, as soon as Dean walks through that door.

Taking a deep breath, Dean leaves his worries behind and pushes the door open. There aren’t a lot of people present and the few are scattered along the place. But what Dean definitely didn’t expect was to see Castiel sitting at the farthest corner, looking through the window with an expression that is worried, confused, hopeful and sad, all at the same time.

It won’t be bad if Dean waits for Angel talking to Castiel, will it? The Winchester looks around once to be sure no one he knows and that could be Angel is there before heading to Castiel’s table. He doesn’t seem much surprised by seeing Dean there. Well, at least not as much as _Dean_ is surprised by seeing _him_ there.

“Hey,” Dean greets him, running his palm along the back of his neck.

Castiel’s eyes flare right at him and Dean realizes he hadn’t spotted him before. “Dean…” He sounds…Happy? “Sit, please.”

Okay, what happened between this morning and now? Castiel was something very close to a jerk back in class, but now he seems so…Dean’s Castiel. That thought should sound so wrong that Dean doesn’t even hesitate on accepting. The Winchester looks at the door, waiting for Angel to show up, and Castiel tilts his head to the side. “Waiting for somebody else?” he asks as he takes a sip of his strawberry milkshake.

“Yeah, I’m kind of meeting Angel today for the first time,” Dean explains with a fond smile.

The black-haired frowns slightly. “Meeting Angel?”

Dean nods. “He told me to meet him here after school. I hope Sam gave my letter to him.”

For a few moments, Castiel’s frown increases, but then he smiles and lowers his head, shaking it as he chuckles. “You’re so stupid,” he says and it’s Dean’s turn to frown.

“Excuse me?”

Raising his head once more, Castiel meets Dean’s gaze and the Winchester has to take a second to absorb that kind and…Loving? Smile. “I’m Angel, Dean.”

Stop the world because Dean wants to sit down. What? “No, you’re not,” the green-eyed teen affirms, because there’s _no way_ Castiel is Angel. From the start Sam told him that Castiel wasn’t his guy, and Dean believes his brother.

Castiel takes a dram of…His…Milkshake. Holy fuck. “I’m not who you were expecting, huh?”

Can he please stop looking sad? It’s confusing Dean. “But…The party, and…The alcohol, and…Balthazar and the others and…What?”

Good, Dean, your brain is working just fine! Castiel gives him a small smile, only a lift of the corner of his lip. “As I said in my last letter, I am not myself anymore. You changed me, because you were good to me. And you also changed me because you disappointed me.” Dean is going to interrupt, but Castiel raises his hand, stopping him. “You dated my twin sister, Dean, it doesn’t matter you thought she was me. I still had to hear her talking about you and all the places you took her. Perhaps I should’ve told you from the start, but I found out who you were a few minutes after your saliva had met hers.”

The blue-eyed Novak makes a disgusted face and Dean has to restrain himself from reaching for him. “Anyway, time went by and I decided to hide what I felt for you, both as Hunter and as Dean, because I didn’t – don’t – think you’d want to be with someone like me. Come on, I was just a pathetic nerd who wouldn’t leave your side, why would you want something with me? So even after I told Benny about our situation and he told me you were bi…Well, I guess I don’t exactly trust myself on such a matter.”

He takes another sip of his milkshake, his voice growing sadder and lower. “Benny also said you were in love with me. There were so many people saying that to me that I almost believed, you know? But the days kept on going and you were still dating Anna. So why would I bother you with my stupid feelings?” Castiel chuckles, a broken noise that makes Dean’s chest feel tighter. “So I hid myself, behind sex and alcohol, but it didn’t have the effect I was expecting, not even close to it. Things did get better, though, when Balthazar arrived. He was one of the few who didn’t seek me only to get laid. More than once he listened to me babbling about how I was afraid to tell you who I really was and he was a very good listener. But not even Balthazar was enough.”

Slowly, the thought is starting to settle in Dean’s mind. Castiel is Angel. Angel is in love with Dean. Castiel is in love with Dean. Has been for more than three fucking _months_. Life’s a son of a bitch. “And then came the day you went to Ash’s party and that stupid truth or dare game. I guess you understand now why I refused to tell you my nickname.” He smiles lightly again, but the sadness is still there and Dean can’t bring himself to join him. “We kissed that night. I don’t know if you remember that or if it was as meaningless to you as it should have been to me. But we did kiss and I truly believe that was one of the highest points of my whole life.”

Someone pass by them and Castiel stops his explanation for a second, probably not wanting anyone else to hear them. Dean doesn’t blame him. What they’re having right now is way too personal to involve somebody who’s not the two of them. “Anyway, that also was the night when Charlie told me to tell you something. Two weeks before that moment I had been to her house after getting drugged for the first time. I didn’t do it myself, somebody put something on my drink, and I had a very bad reaction to it. She took me to the hospital and I spent the weekend there. I was lucky to get out.”

Castiel had been hospitalized for a whole week. He almost died there. Because a dumbass fucker drugged him without his consent. Dean wants to kill somebody. His expression probably gives out his exact thoughts because Castiel laughs on that same low tone. “I’m fine now, Dean, don’t worry. They still drugged me twice after that, but none of my reactions were as bad as the first.”

That doesn’t help Dean at all. He still wants to kill that fucking bastard. “But that’s not why I’m telling you this,” Castiel continues as Dean tries to keep himself sat down. “While I was hallucinating, I told Charlie something I still hadn’t told anyone. Even Sam didn’t know it by then. Such simple words and yet that said so much.”

It doesn’t seem like he’s done, but he also gives no sign that he’s done. “Cas?” It’s the first time Dean calls him that and Castiel’s eyes shine differently when they meet Dean’s.

“Sorry,” he says. “I was lost in the memories. I said ‘The Angel fell in love with the Hunter’. She knew exactly what I was talking about and we talked about it after I was feeling well again. I also told Ash and Chuck about it and I think Ash’s party was some kind of plot so I would tell you as well. I couldn’t do it then. You were still with Anna and I had already kissed you in the same day. It was too much for me.”

Dean allows all of the information to sink in before he speaks. “You cried that day. Can I know why?”

The blue-eyed shakes his head for a short second, but then he sighs and his shoulders fall. “You said you were my friend,” he offers.

Thanks, Cas, that’s awesome explanation! “And…?” Dean pushes.

“And I kept thinking that was it. We were friends and that stupid kiss hadn’t meant anything to you. That it was nothing more than a dare you’d forget within the right time.”

Holy mother of God. It’s true. Castiel is really in love with Dean. It can’t be possible; it simply can’t be. Not after all the nights Dean dreamed about him and asked Castiel to come back to him. “Are you done?” Dean asks.

Castiel nods, looking down at his milkshake and avoiding Dean’s eyes. “Good, because I was dying to shut you up.”

He sees the confusion mixing with the sadness in Castiel’s expression, but it gets quickly replaced by the surprise as soon as Dean leans in and presses their lips together. God how he missed that. How he missed the dryness of Castiel’s lips brushing against his own, barely scratching them.

The Novak doesn’t kiss him back and Dean’s leaning back. Did he miss something? Probably he interpreted things wrong? Apparently not, since Castiel is digging his nails on Dean’s cheek, pulling him closer. It’s once more just a press of lips, but Dean feels the fireworks blowing inside his head. He hears the crowds screaming and he hears Castiel fucking _moaning_ against the kiss.

As it seems, the sound wasn’t even supposed to come out, since the black-haired teen stops moving and draws back slowly. Dean allows him, but only after several quick kisses that make the Winchester boy smile. Castiel is staring at him with wide eyes, as if Dean had Marge Simpson’s hair. “What?” the green-eyed asks.

Barely even moving, Castiel opens his mouth a little and tilts his head to the side again, a very small frown worrying the center of his eyebrows. “What was that?”

Oh, yeah, probably he should’ve waited until they were in a private place. But that’s clearly not what Castiel is talking about. He’s asking why Dean kissed him and that’s when it hits the blonde. Castiel doesn’t know. He has no fucking idea that Dean’s in love with him. The realization makes Dean laugh so much that he tips his head back.

When his eyes meet Castiel’s once more, the Novak’s frown has increased a lot and his mouth is now closed. Dean crosses his arms against the table and leans a little towards Castiel. He doesn’t back away, but his eyes follow every single of Dean’s movements before concentrating on his gaze. “You’re the stupid head with who I’ve been in love even before we met.”

Castiel looks down for a moment and Dean can almost see the engines working inside his head as he tries to decode the Winchester’s words. He looks up once again. “I am?”

Wow, Dean has never realized how Castiel is fucking _cute_. The green-eyed moves his head in a positive sign that is almost a nod, but not quite. “Yup. I’ve been in a dilemma since you wrote that letter criticizing my nickname. And Batman could be a Hunter easily, FYI.” Castiel smiles a little and rolls his eyes, nearly forcing Dean to grin at him. “Now that’s better. So, since we’re passed through the awkward I-have-been-in-love-with-you-for-a-long-time-and-we-took-too-long-to-admit-that part, can we go somewhere where I can kiss you like you should be kissed?”

The black-haired looks away, biting the corner of his bottom lip. Not helping, Cas. Not helping at all. Dean quirks an eyebrow up and waits as Castiel thinks about the answer. What, didn’t he have time enough to think during the past four months? “I’m not sure if this is a good idea,” Castiel says after sighing.

“Don’t even start with that crap,” Dean warns him, making Castiel’s eyes flare right back at him. “Look, Cas, everything’s gonna be okay. I know you may be worried about whatever the heck you have inside that head of yours, but as long as you go back to being the Castiel I met in that hallway, we’re good to go.”

Licking his lips – because biting just wasn’t enough –, Castiel shakes his head. “Why do you want that Castiel back? He’s nothing but a nerd with no friends and no life.” He looks down again and Dean can hear the remorse between those words.

That only makes Dean reach for his chin to tilt his head back up. “Hey.” Dean waits until he has Castiel’s eyes on his own again. “You told me you wanted to be yourself again. That’s you, Cas, that’s the ‘you’ I want with me, because that’s the _real_ you.”

He hesitates. Dean can see the sadness moving on to confusion, back to the sadness and finally to tiredness. The black-haired closes his eyes so he doesn’t have to face Dean, but when the Winchester strokes his chin with his thumb, Castiel leans against the touch. “Let’s right some wrongs,” Dean suggests and, slowly, in a movement barely even there, Castiel nods.

Needing no more of an answer, Dean leans closer before he can open his eyes and kisses his lips. This time Castiel answers immediately and Dean can’t help smiling. Could this be more perfect? Dean doesn’t think so. Castiel is Angel and Angel is Castiel. Things really worked out in the end.

“What are you thinking about?” Castiel asks after a moment, playing with the straw of his milkshake. Dean’s probably been staring at him with the dumbest expression ever but he doesn’t really care about it.

How could he? “You,” the Winchester answers without even thinking.

The blush that takes place on Castiel’s cheeks is so adorable that Dean feels his chest twisting. “What about me?”

Dean shrugs. He’s so used to think about Castiel that he doesn’t even pay attention to what exactly he’s thinking about anymore. “Everything.”

Stopping the movement of his hands, Castiel frowns, tilting his head slightly. “How can you be thinking about everything?” he asks.

God, why does he have to be so cute? Dean still doesn’t understand what Castiel has that impresses him so much. It’s not like the Winchester has never met a nerdy, shy-like guy. And yet, there he is, head over heels in love with him. Instead of answering, Dean reaches out his hand and ruffles Castiel’s hair, laughing when the Novak closes his eyes and lets out an annoyed little growl. “You done?”

Castiel nods, glaring at Dean, although his eyes are sparkling with his amusement. They stand up and when the blue-eyed starts taking his wallet, Dean slaps his hand. How dare he think that he’ll be paying? Castiel rolls his eyes but allows Dean to go to the cash. The green-eyed winks at him, a little smirk wandering along his lips.

Neither of them touches the other too much, only small bumps of shoulders or brush of fingers. Dean doesn’t like the idea. Now that he can, he wants to touch Castiel as much as humanly possible. But he also doesn’t want to push things further than Castiel is willing to go now. They didn’t exactly have time to talk about how things will be between the two of them during their short time at the Harvelle’s. Dean’s not really the type who likes to talk about his feelings, but if it means that he’ll get to touch and kiss Castiel anytime he wants…Well, things change.

It’s not long after they got out of the dinner – walking down the street with no destination – that Dean sees probably one of the last people he wants to. “Cassie!” the English bastard has the guts to shout.

So what if Balthazar was the one Castiel had been sleeping with until this morning? It doesn’t give him the right to hug the Novak in front of Dean, who’s his – His what? Boyfriend? Dean hopes so. The thing _is_ : They’re together. Dean and Castiel. Not _Balthazar_ and Castiel. Dean. Dean Winchester. “Oh, hey, Balthazar,” Castiel says shyly, smiling a little and hugging him back.

What the fuck does he think he’s doing? Who gave him the right to hug the jerk? “What are you doing on this side of town?” Speaking of the devil…

Really, they’re only going to ignore Dean? Castiel glances at the Winchester with the corner of his eyes, dropping his jaw slightly, although no words were coming out. “I was actually at the Harvelle’s with Dean.”

Thanks, Castiel, for remembering Dean exists. It’s really kind of you. “Oh I see. Are you busy now? I’m going to the park to meet a few people, but I still have some time.” Balthazar wiggled his eyebrows and put a hand on Castiel’s arm. Hell, no.

“As a matter of fact,” Dean started, wrapping an arm around Castiel’s waist possessively. “He’s very busy right now, and will probably be tonight as well. With me.”

So maybe Dean can be a little possessive when he’s jealous. So what? Castiel’s not complaining and he’s definitely not pulling away. If anything, the blue-eyed Novak’s leaning closer. “I’m sorry, Balthazar,” Castiel says while Dean drags – yes, drags – him away. “What was that?” he asks after they’re far enough from the jerk’s range.

“Protecting what is mine,” Dean replied, his arm still holding Castiel as close as possible.

The black-haired raises his eyebrows, tilting his head to look at Dean. “Yours?”

Dean only shrugs. “Sorry if it wasn’t well implied. You belong to me now.”

Sounds like no big deal in his voice, but only Dean knows how much he’s shaking inside, afraid Castiel will say something like ‘Hey, I didn’t apply for this’ or ‘Hell no, you’re only one more of my ‘special dates’’. “You’re crazy,” he says instead.

Risking looking down, Dean’s happy to see that he’s smiling. Next thing he knows they’re on their way back to the school. How the Hell did they even get here? “You have somewhere you wanna go?”

Castiel shakes his head, a small sigh leaving his lips. “I should probably go home.”

Home? What does he mean by that? Who said he could go anywhere without Dean for the next 24 hours? “Sure,” the Winchester replies, because it’s way better than what he’s thinking.

They go back to the Harvelle’s to get the Impala and Dean drives him there. Of course, ‘there’ is not exactly his house, but the park close to it, where he’s learned through the past months nobody visits. Castiel looks confused when Dean parks, the night already falling and the world around them getting darker.

“Dean, I don’t know if you forgot, but I don’t live under the trees,” he says, looking around with a little bit of worry for Dean’s sanity.

The green-eyed, though, only chuckles and shakes his head. If only he knew that he could be so happy… “Yeah, but I can’t do this in front of your house.” Dean holds his chin and every last bit of confusion vanishes from Castiel’s expression when their lips meet.

It’s a slow movement at first, just a small touch that gets them both to want more. Castiel slides the hands that were on Dean’s cheeks to his shirt, curling his fingers on the fabric as Dean digs his own on his hair. God, he has a thing about that hair.

The subtlety of how it becomes something way more than just a kind touch surprises Dean. He doesn’t even realize that Castiel’s already on his knees, leaning against Dean as the Winchester falls back slowly, his head making a soundless bump when it meets the window.

Holy fuck, how did that happen? It’s a very good question, but it’s not in Dean to complain. Not when Castiel is leaving a track of kisses along his jaw and moving directly to his neck. Once he gets there, Dean doesn’t try to contain the huge shiver that takes over him, from the very end of his spine.

Castiel, the bastard, laughs at him. Dean would be mad if it hadn’t been the sexiest sound he’s ever heard. And just like that, Castiel licks his neck. “Fuck, Cas!” Dean hisses. The nickname sounds foreign to his tongue, but at the same time familiar, as if it was supposed to be there.

Obviously, his reaction only incites Castiel to continue his job, scratching the sensitive skin with his teeth and making Dean put his self-control at test, because Jesus Christ, no way that he’ll start contorting like his brain is telling him to do.

Probably Castiel notices his small resistance, since he’s working on _sucking_ now. Look, it’s not the first time someone has done it to Dean, lots of people – way more than he likes to think about – have touched him, but every little thing seems different with Castiel, more intense.

With the strength he’s sucking, he’ll leave his mark for sure. Dean usually doesn’t like people marking him, especially where everybody can see, like his fucking neck, for example, and then again, although his ‘macho’ instincts tell him to pull away, he leans in, his palm pressed flat against Castiel’s skull, making the blue-eyed suck even harder.

Dean’s not gonna survive this. That’s it, he’ll die because he couldn’t take the lust Castiel provokes him. It’s a good way to die, he has to admit. But the Novak does pull away after an instant more, smiling satisfied at the mark he put on Dean’s skin. “Red looks good on you,” he comments and Dean doesn’t have it in him to do more than panting and pulling him back by the collar of his shirt to take his breath away with a kiss.

Works pretty damn well and when they break it, they’re both breathless. Castiel’s smile grows into a grin as he sees Dean a little more worked up after only a few kisses. Dean’s surprised himself. Okay, he’s pretty fast to get it up and kicking, but it usually costs more than kisses, even if they’re on his neck.

Well, that’s the result of jerking off to the guy for four months before actually getting to touch him properly.

“I like the effect I have on you,” Castiel whispers while nosing Dean’s jaw line.

The Winchester lets out a small laugh. “Yeah, thanks, Cas.”

It’s actually a bit awkward how Castiel seems to like it when Dean calls him by the nickname. Not that it’s very hard to figure out why – it’s a (lame) way of showing affection –, but it’s still awkward. Pleasantly awkward.

They keep quiet for a while, Dean working his fingers through Castiel’s hair, before the Novak reminds him that he has to go home. Dean wants to protest and say they could stay for a little more, but hey! There’s always tomorrow, right?

He drives to Castiel’s house and he kisses Dean one last time before getting out of the car and into his house, waving from the porch. The blonde drives off just after it, a huge grin right in the middle of his face.

Dean’s so happy that things are finally working out, that he doesn’t see nor hear the truck until it’s too close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will not be posted this Staurday because of personal problems, I'll tell you more about it later, I'm really sorry.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean wakes up at a hospital and has some surprises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter sucks. That's the truth. I'm sorry for posting it later than I promised I would, but these last two days were pretty difficult. The chapter is short, yes, and the ending doesn't sound like an ending, but I promise I'll make it up to you on chapter 6 with sex, agreed?

When Dean wakes up again, he doesn’t recognize the place he’s in at first. It’s all too white and his eyes burn once the lights hit them. The Winchester tries pulling his hand to cover them, but there’s a familiar weight holding it down, fingers slightly brushing his knuckles.

He could bet who it is, but he doesn’t understand why Cas would be there. I mean, okay, they have some kind of ‘relationship’, still, why would he bother coming to see Dean? It’s not something Cas would do after that little I-am-a-slut episode.

Slowly, Dean tries to open his eyes again. His suspicions are confirmed once he turns to his left and Cas is sitting on a chair, leaning against it, probably sleeping, although his fingertips are still ghosting across Dean’s hand. The feeling is pleasant, no doubts, but it confuses Dean a lot and his head starts hurting.

Wincing, Dean presses the heel of his free hand to his forehead, rubbing it slightly. Cas is standing at the same moment, his voice a lot closer. “Dean? Are you awake, babe?”

Wh-wh-what? Babe? Since when does Cas call Dean ‘babe’? “Ahn, yeah,” Dean says, blinking a few times before turning at the black-haired Novak, who has a worried frown in the middle of his forehead.

Cas runs his fingers through Dean’s hair and oh boy, that escalated quickly. The green-eyed raises an eyebrow, but doesn’t say anything, because he’s just realized he’s in a fucking _hospital_. His eyes widen as he sees needles and machines connected to his body, drugging him and helping him breathe. “I was so worried…,” Cas continues, catching Dean’s attention again. “It’s been three days already.”

“Three days since what?” Dean asks, because this is basically the only thing he can do.

The Novak teen tilts his head slightly to the side, his fingers stopping moving. “The accident, Dean,” he explains.

“Accident?” Dean tries to sit, but his head aches and Cas helps him lie down once more. “Who’s been in an accident?”

Confusion mixes with the worry in Cas’s eyes as the blue-eyed presses the back of his hand to Dean’s forehead. Cas seems so touchy…Not that Dean’s complaining, but he’s never been into maintaining physical contact, even though he has to learn some boundaries about personal space. No one can count on Dean to teach him that. “You have, Dean. Remember, after you left me home?”

Left him home? “I’ve been to your house lately?”

Cas’s frown increases and he stops the soft movement of drawing circles on Dean’s hand. “What do you remember, Dean?” the Novak asks.

Shrugging, Dean tries to recall, although it hurts a little. “Going to sleep. I was going to…Fuck!”

“What is it?” Cas asks, and the concerned tone of his voice startles Dean a little.

“Angel,” the blonde explains. “Fuck, I was going to meet him tomorrow. Or three days ago, whatever.”

Instantaneously, Cas freezes, his hands dropping from Dean and the Winchester has to use all of his self-control not to pull him back. “You don’t know who Angel is?”

Dean shakes his head, looking at the ceiling and sighing. “Damn I was so close to meeting him!”

Nodding, Cas looks at the door. He looks troubled, as if trying to decide something important that Dean can’t figure out. “Cas, you okay?”

The blue-eyed Novak turns to Dean with a small smile. “Yeah, I just…Well, you should rest. We’ll talk when you’re feeling better.”

With not another word, Cas leaves, closing the door on a confused – and somehow frightened – Dean. What happened to Cas? Is he okay? Was it something Dean said? And why is Cas so suddenly okay with talking to Dean and touching him? It’s been _months_ since they even laid eyes on each other at the same time.

Did something happen between them that Dean doesn’t remember because of that stupid accident Cas was talking about? That’s the only explanation the Winchester can think about. I mean, what else could it be?

So now his mission is to find out what happened. But it can probably wait, because his head is hurting like Hell right now. Dean tries brushing his forehead, but his fingers land on something different, kind of cold. “What the fuck?”

Well, isn’t it nice? Dean’s alone, he doesn’t remember what happened in the past three days and he has fucking cold things on his body. Looking down, Dean sees some electrodes attached to his chest and, after running the tip of his fingers on it, he realizes the things on his head are also electrodes.

Are they hearing everything Dean thinks? Because, really, that would be awkward as fuck. Sam enters the room a few seconds after the blonde’s brilliant realization that no, the electrodes aren’t there so people can spy on his brain, but so they can fix whatever the hell’s wrong with him. “Hey, Dean. How are you feeling?”

Dean shrugs. He doesn’t know exactly what he’s feeling apart from the headaches, although some things do seem different than they should be. Like the fact that he lost his fucking memory. “Just a few headaches and memory loss,” he said.

The younger Winchester’s eyes widened. “Memory loss? The doctor didn’t tell us anything about it.”

What a surprise. “Well, that’s what Cas said. Hey, you know why he’s here?”

Hesitating. That’s the worst thing Dean thinks his brother can do, because it means he’s considering if he should tell Dean the truth or lie. Usually, he chooses lying. “How much time did you lose?” Sam asks instead.

Good, now they’ll start that little question game. Thank you very much, but Dean’s way too tired for that. “Three days, I think. I don’t remember anything but going to sleep. Oh yeah, that reminds me, did you tell Angel I was here?”

Frowning, Sam takes the place by Dean’s side, sitting on the chair Cas was before. “What do you mean?”

“Well, I was going to meet him the day of the accident. Does he know I’m here?” Dean stops then, the understanding hitting him. “Wait. I _did_ meet him, didn’t I? Holy fuck, where is he?”

He tries to sit up, but Sam – God bless him – stops him, preventing Dean from having the worst headache ever. “As far as I know you did,” Sam confesses.

“So where is he?”

Sam, the bastard, hesitates again, biting his lips. “Look, Dean, he’ll tell you eventually, but if he didn’t yet, he must have a reason.”

Shooting an eyebrow right up, Dean meets his brother’s eyes. “Sam, I’ve been awake for like twenty minutes,” he reminds him.

“Exactly.”

Exactly what? Is it too much time? Too little? People, fucking elaborate your sentences! Dean sighs. “Where are mom and dad?”

The small tension that was starting to build on Sam’s shoulders vanishes with the change of topics. “Work. I just got here from school, they couldn’t even bring me.”

Dean chuckles at Sam’s indignation at walking a few miles. “You survived. Now, can you give me a small summary of what happened these three days?”

Sam does. He tells Dean that he was coming home from Angel’s house – the fact that Sam didn’t say Angel’s name doesn’t go by unnoticed – and was hit by a truck. The green-eyed teen’s heart makes a small summersault imagining how the Impala must be. He makes Sam promise that he’ll tell their father that Dean will be the one to fix her before allowing him to go on.

Apparently, Cas has been there since the first day, only leaving to go to school because he’s back with his idea of going to Med school again and is desperate that he lost three ‘months of knowledge’, as he called them according to Sam.

That information makes Dean smile. So Cas is finally going back to being the real Cas? Dean has no idea what or who did it, but he’s so happy about it that he doesn’t even care. What he does care a little, though, is that he realizes he’s been calling Castiel ‘Cas’ since he woke up. It’s different, but he likes it. Sounds nice.

He does hear the rest of the events, but they don’t really stick to him, mainly because he’s looking at the door every other five seconds waiting for Cas to come back. Dean wants to ask him what colleges he’s intending to go, if he thought of some place nice already, or even if he doesn’t want to take Dean with him.

But Cas never comes back. It’s at night that Dean hears from him again. Sam says he’s still there, he only doesn’t want to come in for God knows what reason. It makes Dean nervous, because Cas was so happy and relaxed when Dean woke up…“Tell him I want to talk to him,” Dean asks Sam.

Two minutes after, Sam returns alone, shaking his head and saying Cas is busy studying. Dean doesn’t buy it for a second, but he gives him his privacy. Perhaps things will be better by the morning.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean knows both Sam and Cas are lying to him, and if there's one thing Dean Winchester doesn't like, is being lied to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy freaking mother of God! I can't believe I'm posting this chapter after so long! I'm ashamed, sorry guys. I wasn't planning on writing this story any time soon, but I saw that some of you had requested it, so I decided to do it for you. I'm really sorry for the delay, but I hope you guys like it!

Things are not better by the morning. Dean’s nerves are starting to get to him and he simply can’t understand what he could have possibly done to piss Cas off that much. Okay, they haven’t talked in something like three months, but the Novak boy seemed so willing to be Dean’s friend again the day before.

He doesn’t go into the room anymore, preferring to stay at the cafeteria, or at the waiting room, but he’s always there. Dean has contracted Sam as his spy, and his younger brother is doing a Hell of a job. Except that he doesn’t tell Dean anything he finds out. The older knows, though, that Samsquatch knows a lot more than he’s willing to spit out.

“Dean, I’m telling you, there’s nothing. He just stays around, reads some books, does his homework…I really don’t know what has gotten into him,” Sam tries again on the third day Dean is awake.

The blonde doesn’t buy it for a second. It’s easy for him to tell when Sam’s lying; they have grown up together, after all. So it’s actually awkward how Sam doesn’t want to tell him what really is wrong. Thinking again, though, if Sam doesn’t wanna tell Dean, then something’s not right. People are hiding things from Dean as if he were some kind of idiot.

Well, he may look like one sometimes, but he’s not. Dean can see right behind their masks. That’s why on the fourth day – he’ll be allowed to go home tomorrow – he sets out to find the guy he thought to be his best friend. If there’s one thing Dean Winchester doesn’t like is being lied to, and he won’t take it from both Sam and Cas.

“Hey, handsome,” Dean calls as he spots the dark-haired boy over at the cafeteria.

For a small moment, Cas’s eyes spark differently, hope burning through them. Still, once he realizes it’s only a joke, Castiel lowers his gaze back to the book he had been reading.

“What is it you want, Dean?” he asks, his voice sounding tired.

Dean places a gentle hand on his back, trying to meet his eyes. After a second, Castiel gives in and their eyes lock. The Winchester teen almost stands back under the watery blue eyes of his once best friend, but he only swallows.

“You’re hiding something from me,” the green-eyed accuses.

Castiel stays quiet, not even blinking.

“It’s none of your business.”

Liar. Dean knows only by Castiel’s tone that the jock has forgotten something he shouldn’t. But what could it be? _Angel._

“Fuck, it’s Angel. You know something about him,” Dean says and Castiel doesn’t answer. “Cas, tell me, what do you know?” he nearly begs.

As before, Castiel doesn’t even move a muscle, jaw clenched tight.

“It doesn’t matter, Dean. He made a mistake he shouldn’t have, and he thinks you two are good just the way you are now.”

“No fucking way!” Dean shoots back, standing up from his chair and punching the table.

His breathing get a little rougher and he coughs into his hand, still a little weak from the crash. Castiel is on his feet in less than a second, helping Dean to seat down again.

“Cas, I have to meet him,” the Winchester almost pleads. “Come on, man, you know I’m not lying, look in my face. Look at me and tell me I’m lying.”

Perhaps that’s not the best way to convince Castiel of something, but Dean simply can’t spend another minute with that doubt. He has to meet him; he has to know with who he’s in love, apart from Castiel. And most important, he needs to decide if he’s also in love with Castiel.

The blue-eyed boy swallows visibly, looking away for a second and biting his lips. Dean keeps on looking at him, needing to have an answer.

“Please, Cas,” he tries again.

Castiel sighs and, rubbing his hand on his eyes, he sits back on his own chair. He licks his lips and fidgets with his clothes, movements Dean has long since forgotten to be a habit of when he’s nervous.

And then he begins to talk. As the words ring on the back of Dean’s mind, they sound like echoes, as if Dean has already heard them. And he has, in fact. At the end of his speech, Castiel tells him he has told that to Dean on the day he got into the accident.

“I cried that night at Ash’s place because you said we were friends, and I thought that was it, that I had just been holding my hopes higher than I should.”

Dean listens patiently, trying not to show any reaction. Truth be told, it’s pretty easy, since he feels like he knows those words; they don’t sound new to him. After all, they are not. He can remember now, Castiel sitting across the table, talking to him at the Harvelle’s. He knows they were together before the accident, and he can actually remember the exact moment it happened.

Castiel’s words are like a switch, turning the memories on. The more he talks, the more Dean remembers. It’s impressive, how the blue-eyed boy has such power over the Winchester, and it’s even more impressive that Dean has actually managed to _forget_ him.

“But as said,” Castiel continues. “I made a mistake. Dean, I shouldn’t have agreed with…This. It was a moment thing, and it doesn’t matter how much I want it to happen, I really think we should go our separate ways, since I don’t know if I can still be your friend after that kiss in your car.”

Okay, that’s it, Cas is hot for getting Dean mad, there’s no other explanation to why he keeps on telling him that they shouldn’t be together. For fuck’s sake, they like each other, what more do they need, really?

“Cas, give me one good reason for why we shouldn’t do this and you’ll never see me again,” Dean challenges, raising his eyebrows and leaning a little on the table.

The blue-eyed boy frowns, actually thinking about the matter. He’s got to be kidding. “You have the team, Dean; they won’t accept me that easily.”

Rolling his eyes, Dean chuckles a little. “You slept with half of the team. I’m pretty sure they won’t mind if I have my own shot,” he says wiggling his brows.

It works; Castiel laughs on the back of his throat and slightly shakes his head. “Well, that is true. Still, you have some kind of reputation at school. People won’t look at you the same way.”

And now it’s Dean’s turn to laugh. “Cas, since when do I give a damn to what people have to say about me?” the blonde asks as Castiel joins his laugh.

But it doesn’t last long. Soon, Cas is sighing again, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “I still think it’s not a good idea.”

“Well, I thought you sleeping with fucking _Balthazar_ wasn’t a good idea. So unless you tell me you’re in love with the English bastard,” Dean starts, reaching his hand to play with Castiel’s, which is on the table. “I think it’s you and me again.”

He has hope now; a hope that burns through his veins and makes it a bit hard to breathe. Dean waits for Castiel’s last verdict, intertwining their fingers and throwing a small smile at him.

“I hate it how you always manage to convince me of everything you want to,” Castiel says with a little twitch of his nose, a habit he’s certainly got from Dean.

Without thinking twice, Dean stands from his chair and in less than a second his lips are smashed against Castiel’s, both of his hands cupping the boy’s cheeks as the blue-eyed holds onto his arms, pressing a little harder than needed.

“Now that’s what I was talking about!” Dean almost shouts once they pull back, not doing so only because they’re in a hospital.

Castiel looks completely embarrassed, a red blush taking over his features. “Come on,” he says standing on his feet. “Let’s get you back to the bedroom.”

There’s so much promise and hidden meanings under those words that Dean eagerly follows Castiel, gripping the other’s hand. “Hey, Cas?” he asks while they walk towards the bedroom.

“Yes, Dean?”

The Winchester teen waits until Castiel looks back. “You’re my boyfriend now, right?”

Grinning, Castiel nods. “Yes, I am, Dean.” He places a gentle kiss on Dean’s lips.

“Good.”

They stay quiet from then on, only leaning against one another. Well, at least Dean’s leaning against Cas, since he can’t really walk yet, because of how many painkillers he’s on.

“You’re not going to forget about that as well, are you?” Castiel asks at a certain point.

Dean slightly laughs. “Hey, it’s your fault I got into that car crash.”

“How so?” the Novak teen asks, looking completely undignified, if not a bit worried.

“Your freaking kisses got me all distracted,” he explains, nosing at Castiel’s cheeks.

Leaning into the touch, the blue-eyed smiles. “Oh yeah? Then I guess I won’t kiss you anymore,” he states.

“Do that and you’re fucking dead, Novak.”

Castiel rewards him with a small bite to his neck that has Dean shivering head to toe. The bastard still remembers it’s Dean’s freaking weak spot. They get into the room without any further ado and Castiel insists for Dean to lie down and rest, promising to be there once he wakes up.

Although he doesn’t know why, Dean believes him.


End file.
